This is Who I am

  There is this pain in my heart.. 

The moment you realize the truth about yourself, you either find it and try to change it or you think to yourself "fuck it, it’s just me" 
I’m not sure which road I take in these situations, I recognize that it’s there. Is that a good sign? 

All the things she’s telling me, I already know, I have been thinking about it. But how do I change myself to adapt to a new way of doing things, feelings, being how I am….I’m 24 years old and the way I’ve been dealing with everything my life leads me to how I am standing today. I know that if I try hard, I can change myself, I can change how I think or what I do. But then I start to think, that’s not me, I’m faking it. This isn’t real. So I fall back into this routine of how I was and the circle continues. 

I know it’s me, I blame it on how I have grown up, of situations I’ve dealt with, of things I had to go through. I’m closed up and I can make you feel like a piece of shit. That is who I am, that is what I do. 

Is it really possible to turn yourself around without feeling like your forcing yourself …. by being fake? If it’s not genuine, does that mean I’m a bitch? that I really don’t give a fuck?