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There is a drastic change in events. A drastic change in what I feel, what I want and I’m unsure if it’s true or real and I’m very unstable/ unsettled about the truth that’s prevailing in front of me.

The guy I went on a date with has been making tremendous effort in seeing me, being with me, everything. We went out on another date and another… I’m starting to like him. He took me out to dinner one night, took me to the movies another and the friction between us is very strong. I told him I wanted to take it slow but my emotions are getting out of control. I’ve gone out on 4 dates with him so far and it’s been very playful yet serious, we haven’t kissed and while he wanted to, I told him to wait a little. Let me describe him..

He’s incredibly intelligent, in the way he speaks and his nonverbal communication, his education and his job. He’s different than others that I’ve dated in the way he looks. He’s tall – 6 feet, lean and very mature for his age, responsible with money & life decisions, determined, driven, manly, dominant, honest, straightforward, inquisitive about me, VERY interested in me, has a good sense of humor, ready to settle..

When we were set up via mutual friends, it was with the intention of seeing if there was a possible future with us. I’m not quite ready to get married, like in the next few months or anything but it takes time to find someone and get to know someone for that. Because the intention was made clear, it makes the whole catch & chase game vanish, makes the guessing go out the window and leaves room for honesty. With these things out of the way, we are straight up with whatever this is and oddly enough, it’s leaving me feel satisfied..

We have chemistry, we’re openly communicating about our past, who we are, what we expect and what we want or need. It is very exciting to say the least.. it’s hard to hang up, hard to leave when I see him. Yes.. I know, this is infatuation, the start of any relationship is like this..it shouldn’t be reacted upon immediately, so no, I’m not in love or anything but still feeling crazy…..about him.  In this last week, I’ve gotten incredibly close to him, emotionally and physically. We’ve had 4 hour conversations every night for couple of days atleast and they’re not empty. They are fully loaded, heavy conversations about our intentions. Yeah this could be happening very fast..

Meanwhile, I think of AA and I think of how I feel about him and those feelings seem so far away. I can’t picture his face.. I can’t feel that emotion. How can this be? How am I so freaking bipolar about this?!

I don’t know what to do.