Don’t wanna lose you.

 He said he had a lot to think about. I thought of the fact that he could back out and leave if he’s not feeling this “relationship” but then I thought of how much he likes me and admits to being attached to me. So I didn’t worry much, I waited for him to come to me with his decision.

Then it came. Like a hurricane, he told me he couldn’t make a decision. He was torn apart because of what he didn’t like and what he liked about me. My past haunted him, he told me. That he couldn’t believe that the mother of his children would do all the things that I have done. For the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do. He left it up to me; the ball was placed in my court.

I have no issues with you doing whatever you did in your past! I don’t have a problem that you slept with whoever. It is in the past and as long as you’re here with me right now, that’s all that matters. I don’t hold anything like that against anyone. But he had a problem with what I did? Then how is it my call? Confused, upset and frustrated I told him that if that’s something he didn’t like, then that was what I was. I have a past, I was honest about it all & it made me who I am and if that’s not good enough then I’m not the right one for you. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe I felt this way for someone I’ve been seeing for merely two weeks. I was mad at him for holding my past against me, for being a hypocrite. I was mad at myself for letting my emotions go so much that I had tears in my eyes to imagine the possibility of not being with him.

We talked about an hour and discussed it all. I was straight up with him knowing how hurt I would be if this ends. I could hear the pain in his voice because he realized the same. “If you think that, you can’t move on from the fact that I slept with someone else then it’s not worth being here with me. I don’t want to hear it years from now. But if you think, honestly, that you can move past this and can love me and be with the me that I am now, then we can work it out”

He kept repeating one thing after whatever I said, whatever I asked him. “I don’t want to lose you” 

So we came around to seeing what is gonna happen with us. To let my care and affection take over the thoughts he has..