I reach out into the world trying to complete myself with subjective things.

Hey Boss,

I made a big life decision today, I am going to change my degree program to either Biblical Studies or Theological Studies. I wish I could do both, and I may, but I have to pick one first. So you may ask, what will I do with this degree? I have no clue. A said that I should become a pastor and I laughed at her. I am that person that sits in the back of church away from everyone. I also am that person who typically has a panic attack whenever I have to do any sort of public speaking, even in a relaxed group dynamic with something such as a basic introduction. I shot her down, but what else would I do with this degree? I don’t really know, but all I know is that I am heavily passionate about the Bible and learning everything to know about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

If someone had sat me down four years ago and told me I’d be majoring in Biblical Studies I would ask them if they had the right person and laughed at them. Four years ago God did not exist in my head. Christianity was a religion so foreign to me that I was polite enough to them but had nothing in common with them. Now I’m one of them, and want to connect and share the love of God with everyone because life has become so magical since he rescued me from my addictions and as I develop my relationship with Him.

The best way I can say it is, life before God was so dark. I get to live in the light now, and I want the same for everyone else. Even through the hard times He carries me. I would have not survived 2024 without Him carrying me through that. Four years ago it would have felt like survival, but what I went through, I don’t consider it survival, I consider it part of my path that He has written.

Despite all the glory I feel I get to write about today, I would be lying if I said I don’t get pangs of loneliness. I forget to pray to God to fill my hole, and I reach out into the world trying to complete myself with subjective things. Then after a period of being lost, I come back to Him and all is well again. The world is so tempting, and since I lived without God most of my life, I tend to forget that He is right there with me.

Love, Hayl