5-28-2011

Today, We got into it a little more, because my husband was home all day.  He was trying to get my son against me, so he could manipulate him into playing baseball next year.  He said your mom wasn’t even watching you but texting.  He is trying everything to get him to play next year, despite the fact we have faught with him all season to go to his games.  I told him he had to finish it out because he made a committment, but my husband actually just signed him up.  His words were, "He is not old enough to make a decision about it yet!"  I said, "If he is in advanced classes, then I am sure he knows if he likes or does not like baseball."  It is all a control thing again.  He can’t stand that he wants his son to play so badly, and my son just does not like it.  I am tired of the fighting, and tired of the who is the better parent, and the worse person.  I am fighting for who I am and what I believe, and being put down for it everyday.  I am tired of these games.  Today, My husband said he would not file for divorce yet, because we are unstable financially.  Yet, he is fine with putting me down everyday, and disrespecting me in front of my kids.  All that is ok though!  I can’t stand being around in this awful environment and act like everything is ok until we have financial stability.  We are going to be worse financially no matter what, but the emotional abuse has got to stop, does he not realize this?  He put me down for not giving into my son and letting him ride around the block with his friend.  Yet, he could not take him to his friends and pick him up to make sure he was safe…Go figure!  So frustrated today! URG!!! I am not sure if I should just go and file for separation or what now?  God help me to be stronger today, and help me to see the devil’s tactics behind the scene, and to know how to respond and to react in every situation knowing you are in control!  Help me to do what your will is for my life!