My Love is Lost… I walk the Beaches, of Cheyenne

 

 

 

 ** There is also a entry back one….**

 

 

 

 

 They packed up all his buckles
And shipped his saddle to his dad
By the way the house looked
She must have took it bad
The workers come on Monday
To fix the door and patch the wall
They say she just went crazy
The night she got the call
He was up in Wyoming
And drew a bull no man could ride
He promised her he’d turn out
Well it turned out that he lied
And all the dreams that they’d been livin’
In the California sand
Dyin’ right there beside him in Cheyenne
They she just went crazy
Screamin’ out his name
She ran out into the ocean
And to this day they claim
That if you go down by the water
You’ll see her footprints in the sand
‘Cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne
They never found her body
Just her diary by the bed
It told about the fight they had
And the words that she had said
When he told her he was ridin’
She said then I don’t give a damn
If you never come back from Cheyenne
Nobody can explain it
Some say she’s still alive
They even claim they’ve seen her
On the shoreline late at night
‘Cause if you go down by the water
You’ll see her footprints in the sand
‘Cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne
‘Cause every night she walks the beaches of Cheyenne

 

 

Garth Brooks
The Beaches Of Cheyenne lyrics

 

 

Every time I hear that song, my heart stops, the tears flow, and my fingers tremble. I cant focus, I cant function, I cant think straight. All I can focus on, is I am that woman, you are that man. My Felix. How you have broken my heart.

I feel like I am that woman, my heart torn into shreds. Mainly, the parts highlighted, have always held a special place in my heart. And, if you knew my Felix, you would know why this song rings so true… That man, during his better days, went to Cheyenne Days, and would work the Rodeo. He loved the Bulls. He loved the thrill, he was my cowboy.

I do walk the beaches of Cheyenne, in my heart.

I got into my car this afternoon, to go get James, went, got gas, smokes… and I got back into my car, and that song started… and I lost it. I cried. The whole time it was playing… My heart broke. My fingers trembled. My blood ran cold.

The song has played in my head all night, since coming home… all I can think about tonight, is its nearly been ten months, and I want time to go backwards…. I do want my Felix back. MY Felix. Not the Tony he became… MY Felix. I want the love we shared. The life we had. I want my heart back, damnit.

My dear Sibzy, I do agree, its like being in a video game. You get ahead, go level by level, until you reach the boss (The deaths of our beloveds) and then, suddenly, somehow, out of the blue, your killed, and your back, reset, like a bad dream.

Only difference, dear Sibzy, is your young. 18 young years, and I know you will pull out of this, stronger, better then before.

I, however, am not so young, due to my health. My physical age may be 25, but my emotional, and REAL age, is nearing 90… The health issues have pushed me to my edge. And, that song tonight, may have just broke me.

For the first time in months tonight, I came home, put James to bed, and opened a beer. I want a joint, too, but I will refrain. I have taken my pain meds, and I know mixing that with pot will cause me to sleep too heavy, and in case of a emergency with James, I need to be coherent. A beer tonight will do no harm, maybe relax my nerves a bit more…I hope.

I know he knows how I feel. I know he knows I love him, and miss him so. But, it doesnt stop the hurt, or the tears, or the pain. It does not stop the empty hole in my heart, or the ache in my soul.

Sibzy

, I know your pain, very well, darling girl. But, alas, your young, and you will overcome this. You have your health, and your family. In my case, I have neither right now. My mom is too drunk to deal with me, and my step dad wont… my real dad is a joke…

And alas. My Annie… my poor, poor Annie… Shes sick, folks. Worse then I expected. Shes down to 89 lbs. They think a cyst has ruptured in her, causing her to bleed today. They have her on antiboitics. She has her psych eval… *Sighs* Maybe tomorrow, they will find a way to help my poor girl. I am terrified for her.

Maybe thats what brought this home, so hard today, with Felix.

*Sighs* I miss my love. I miss my health. I miss my life. Damnit. I want it all back, and now… 

 

 

 

 

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