i havne’t been feeling it.

I’ve been feeling alot of emotional blahness lately so I haven’t been writing. Its stupid really since that’s exactly the time when I should be writing. why is it so difficult to talk about how I feel? why do I cower away, withdraw, into myself and my lonliness instead of just admitting to myself that I feel like shit and talking about it? I’ll never understand. Maybe that’s why I’m the one in therapy 😛

My birthday was okay. It was Sunday. I got a great orange blanket, some movies, some candy… it was overall pretty good. But I wasn’t feeling quite right. My vertigo was still acting up a bit and it was generally blah. Most of the week before it was blah. I’ve been depressed ever since I opened that Levi box. Why can’t I let him go?

Valentine’s day was uneventful for me as usual. Went to lunch with my Gremlin. It was the highlight of my day. I left a singing monkey for Wesley on his doorstep cuz it was something that made me think of him and he said it was the highlight of his day. 🙂  At least I did something good. I saw Todd on V-day. It didn’t occur to me it was V-day at the moment otherwise it might have affected me more. Anyways he had the audacity to hug me. Why would he think he can hug me? Then I walked outside and there is Mae. Since she drove him there. She waved at me like I was her best friend. Sometimes I just want to go up to her and say "Listen Mae, I have no idea why you’re so enthused when you see me. Don’t you know I fucked your boyfriend?" LoL. I saw him again today. He shouldn’t be going out as much as he is. Surgery is still fresh. Once again he talked to me. Why? I should just tell him, "Listen, we both made a collassal mistake, and the consequence is that our relationship has changed. We both have to deal with that." But I don’t.

My therapist thinks I need to find a new man so I can get rid of all the skeletons. *sigh* Is it sad when even your therapist thinks its time to find a new person to be with? It is no normal to want to be alone?

Yesterday I highlighted my hair blonde. I’ll take a pic soon for you guys.

My plans for the weekend are pretty simple… supposed to go see Brad’s band play tomorrow night. I promised him. Saturday me and Nikki talked about going get pedicures. My feet need serious girl-time after being stuffed in steel-toes all the time 😛  I have to do some laundry and stuff. That’s about it. I have to make time to write a letter to Jason. And my therapist gave me homework… write a letter to levi but don’t mail it.

Ugh Plus I skipped homework tonight cuz I was pissed at ford so now I have extra to do this weekend. SUCKS.

Anyways, that’s about it. Hope ya’ll are enjoying the pics and yearly rememberies.

Peace 🙂