Goodbye, friend…

 I learned last night that a person that I had been friends with for many, many years passed away. It was quite the shock. I guess in a way that it shouldn’t have been. By that I mean that I saw her mother when we were back home last summer and she told me the problems that *M* was having. She told me that she was simply waiting for her to just die – that’s how sick she had become over the years.

*M* and I hadn’t spoken to one another in years – 6 to be exact. We grew apart. Our lifestyles weren’t the same as they were when we were kids, or even when we were teenagers. We both had children. I have pictures of her, sitting at Maria’s casket, and pictures of her in my mind, of being at the hospital and at my apartment after Kayleigh was born.

We were always together when we were kids. Where you saw *M*, you saw me. We got into some major trouble together. *laughs* We did some really stupid things, too. But, hey, we were young and dumb.

I still remember the day that *M* and I met. Elementary school. She was this sweet, very overweight girl. A lot of people picked on her because she was overweight. She was diabetic. In all honesty, I don’t ever recall her taking care of herself like she should have. When we were kids, she would hide bags of candy and chips in her bedroom and eat it at night so her mom wouldn’t know. Maybe her mom did know, and just looked away.

*M* lost a lot of weight – and I mean a lot. She was barely 110 pounds. She suffered many miscarriages, likely due to her health. I was with her through each one of them.

Her mother had some type of gastric surgery, way back when it was relatively new. Things didn’t go so well for her. She nearly lost her life because of it. Yet, *M* never changed her ways and took better care of herself.

I guess that we really grew apart because I chose to grow up when I had kids; *M* didn’t. She still went out clubbing, getting drunk, getting high, leaving her small child in bed sleeping, in the house alone, while she would go out to the bar. I just didn’t have it in me to do any of this – I had gone through so much with losing Maria, that I was so beyond thankful to have Kayleigh.

When we were visiting my mom last summer, I called *M*. I wanted to see her. We had gone to Wal-mart – the one that Marcelo and I used to always go to. I have no idea how we ended up there, as it wasn’t even close to where my parents live. Maybe we had visited family in town and stopped off on our way back home. I really don’t remember. Anyway, we saw *M’s* mom and she told us how bad she was doing. I got in the car and called her, only she wouldn’t answer. I wanted to see her – I didn’t care that her hair had fallen out; I didn’t care that she was sick; I just wanted to see her, and give her a hug and tell her that I love her.

I left her a message and she called me at mom’s house later that night. We were leaving for NJ the next day. I was all set to hop in the car and go see her. She wouldn’t hear of it – she didn’t want anyone to see her that way. I can understand, though. I can’t say that I wouldn’t be the same.

We talked for over an hour. We talked about old friends, how people were doing now, who had married and had children, who hadn’t. It was so great to hear her voice.

I never spoke to her again after that. I somehow lost her number in the move. I feel awful that I wasn’t able to see her, or to talk with her again. But at least I have that last conversation.

She has left behind two young daughters. At this moment they are with their grandmother, *M’s* mom. I hope that they are able to stay with her.

Goodbye, dear, *M* – may you rest in peace. I love you, girl.