Thoughts running round my head today

Oh lordy lord. oh lordy lordy lord. you just don’t understand how crap I feel. I’m coughing up little lumps of my lungs every 10 minutes..coughing generally every 10 seconds. I’ve had so much sleep. Having a cough this bad should keep you awake yeah? No. haha. As soon as I fall asleep, I’m gone for the night. That’s a massive relief beause normally I’m a terrible sleeper. I have been getting up in the afternoons this weekend. It’s been good, even if I have been laid in bed feeling very very sorry for myself.

Today I’m all jelly like. My legs don’t work properly. I’m not hungry, I couldn’t face more than a yorkshire pudding a few carrots and brocolli at dinner. And I’m not hungry. I have a headache. I look a state because I havent had the energy to have a shower. So I’m skanky. But thankfully I havent been out of the house since 3pm thursday. I’m cranky too because obviously it hurts to smoke..so my nicotine level is low. Oh, actually, I have been out of the house, for like 10 minutes while  I had my only fag of the weekend. And double the crankiness because I started my period today. so I have cramps too. And on my first day, my cramps have me doubled over. Which is weird because I started when I was 10 and I didn’t get cramps until about a year ago. I’m sur eyou dont want to know this though

Staying on the periods topic though, I’m glad I started them. I got *very* drunk Monday night. Possibility that I was spiked too..and I stupidly ended up sleeping with Ollie…erm..twice. Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was doing. I’m not blaming it on the drink entirely. I probably would’ve ended up sleeping with him at some point but..he was a virgin..bad idea to lose it when you’re drunk I feel. The thing about the periods is..I’m not entirely sure if we used protection the second time..I think we did but..I have my doubts. So I was a little worried.

I’m so confused about Ollie. I mean, all the stuff that I’ve been talking to you about Henry, I shouldnt even be thinking about it because I don’t know if it will matter. But, I really like him still. I mean, I know he’s a wanker when we go out. Because of when I was raped, I’m pretty sensitive about all the bedroom stuff (although you wouldntve guessed Monday night) and he doesn’t know how to take "get the fuck off me" as an answer hehe. but..he’s still sweet little Ollie. He’s still my Ollie and my  heart still flutters when he’s around. I still smile every time I watch him and he doesn’t realise I’m looking at him. I still wish he would text me every minute of the day. I still pop into Debs when I have no reason to in the hope of bumping into him. But..like he said himself (before he text me an hour later saying he missed me and wanted to cuddle up in his bed because he was lonely) we wouldn’t work..I guess it’s not only that. There’s someone else, my best friend, also playing on my mind.  *sighs dramatically then cough because she sighed with too much effort* *continues to cough*

Lauren x

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March 12, 2006

yes my hair feels like a bobble head!

March 12, 2006

yes my hair feels like a bobble head!

March 14, 2006

no problem! 🙂 i loved yours about being a waitress, it made me smile. have a great one! 🙂

March 14, 2006

no problem! 🙂 i loved yours about being a waitress, it made me smile. have a great one! 🙂

March 14, 2006

ryn: that’s what i figured too. i figured if they accidentally had hit signed, they would’ve noted me again asking me to delete it. (as about 15 people have done, hahaha)

March 14, 2006

ryn: that’s what i figured too. i figured if they accidentally had hit signed, they would’ve noted me again asking me to delete it. (as about 15 people have done, hahaha)