Thinking

I think I was a bit stupid with my cutting last night. One of the cuts is a bit worrying. It opened up again this morning and I’ve been so worried  that it was going to start again at school. I wore a dark top just in case but i just kept an eye on it and it was ok. It hasn’t opened since this morning but I have to be really careful about how much I move and I have to keep my back slightly curved. Tonight is my last night being able to cut. I mean I have tomorrow at home before I go away but I dunno I think perhaps I shouldn’t cut just incase I go to far. It gives it a little bit of a chance to slightly heal from tomorrow night.

I hate looking at my body at the minute. It shows what a failure I am right now. I used to get angry at myself and I’d cut more. Now, I guess I’ve just accepted that’s what I’m about. I guess I’m disappointed in myself but I can’t change it. This is just what I do. I just end up with my ribs covered in cuts and they start creeping down until I’m covered down to my belly button. I haven’t started on my thighs yet. I’m trying not to. I just don’t really want it to spread to my legs too. I guess I want just a little bit of control over it left. I dunno.Maybe my two night tripaway will help. Maybe it will just stress me out even more. I dunno. At least I can smoke. lol

-Lauren xx