Sorting out my room.

So…what shall I do with myself tonight?

Mum’s throwing a hissy about nothing at all. I escaped to London last night (‘openly disobeying’ her) and stayed at Jordan’s.

I came home and decided to clear out my bedroom. Argh. What a task. I have so much junk. *pick up something..throw it in bin. pick up something…throw it in bin* I have this thing where I have to keep…stuff. Just to remind me of what I’ve done and where I’ve been. I mean, it works. I have a very, very bad memory and I do often forget what I’ve done so I keep things so I can find it and be reminded about where it came from. But..at the end of the day…it’s junk. And I do a lot of stuff. So I collect a lot of junk (note to Jordan: that’s why I wondered where my underground ticket was because I have every one I’ve ever got with you in my train pass). So, I’m getting rid of stuff.

And, get this, I’m even throwing some clothes out that I don’t wear/that don’t fit me anymore. I do it with clothes too you see. It’s not only that I don’t want to throw clothes away because…they’re my clothes. I just keep them even when I stop caring about them because they remind me of an event I wore them to. Like, I still have the top I wore to my brother’s 18th birthday party. Now, I would never wear anything like that ever again (I was 14, cut me some slack) but…it just reminds me of the party. I also have every top I’ve ever worn to a funeral. The only one I still wear (very rarely though) is the one I wore to my cousin’s funeral. It’s getting old now but because I rarely wear it, you can’t tell. I just feel closer to her when I wear it. That’s stupid though because…the reason it reminds me of her was because I wore it at the time I felt most distant from her. *shrugs* my mind…

Anyway, I’m just amusing my mind. I’m sick of tidying my room. I shall do some more tomorrow. It’s going to take me a long time because I am doing it properly and it was a state in teh first place. I need to finishing tidying it before I can properly sort through things. I have all my 6th form stuff to sort through (translation:throw out)

blah, blah. I can’t stay in this house tonight. I just can’t do it. It’s so tense and I just don’t want to be here. I desperately wanted to go to Jordan’s again tonight. But, he’s tired. He said go if I wanted but I could tell in his voice that he was only saying it to be good boyfriend and that he just wanted to stuff his face and collapse into bed or something along those lines.

Anyway, I’m gonna go disappear I reckon and stay disappeared for the night. Dunno where to stay but I’ll find somewhere. Oh, and word of warning…if you’re not wanting to go back to cutting..don’t sort out your room. You find lots of blades and scissors you forgot you hid in places. I didn’t though. I disposed of them immediately.

Lauren x