Quitting English

Development in my life…i now have 4 free periods. Yes, 4! i have dropped english. My whole reason for doing english was so i has a subject i enjoy and really want to do.  it became more of a burden than something i would enjoy.  and because i didnt have the time to spend on the work, it wasnt of the quality i know i was capable of so it was a waste of time. i’ve half lost my confidence in my ability to write. it was a subject my whole school life i have felt that im good at. other subjects i coped, i did well. english i had a real passion for. i love reading novels i love reading poetry. and i love writing my own poetry but because im studying english i don’t have time to do any of that.

im upset i did get to do the poetry part of the course.  after all thats the part of english i’m interested in.  another reason for me dropping english is the way miss lewis teaches.  she insists that her directed reading notes will help us.  didnt help me in the slightest. perhaps it was because it took so much time and i didnt have the time to spend on them so i didnt get the entire benefit. i dunno.  i dont like studying novels. for one, im not very good at it. i have a terrible memory and you have to memorise so many small details and, as its a closed book exam, you have to memorise hundreds of quotes to use in any essay question you might be given.  that, im useless at. and, i like the idea that im oblivious to the techniques authors use to guide the readers imagination.  i like the idea thati think im interpretting the novel in my own way but in actuality im being spoonfed the story, setting and mood.  once you begin to analyse and rip apart a novel, it stops being a piece of art and becomes a piece of text. i dont think thats what english is about. english is about recognising the true quality of the work and the emotions behind the work that authors can and have created. 

i think i have more chance of being able to do that after having quit the subject that when i was using all my time stressing over those god damn directed reading notes.

Purple Eyeshadow xx