parents

yesterday i went to sandringham craft fair and spent some money but nowhere near as much as i normally do. my mum only bought my bro something for his birthday. it wasnt as good as previous years but we still had a lovely mother/daughter day. But then we kinda fell out in the evening. There is a parents evening on Thursday explaining about higher education. but she said “do you want us to go?” translation – i’ve got something better to do. We starte talking and i said there was no point coz me going to uni has nothing to do with her. then i mentioned that even if i did ask for her advice she would just say that it is my decision and it has to come from me not her. She dosen’t help me with my decision adn ive gotten used to that so i dont bother asking for her advice(i didnt say that bit to her). apparently she took it to heart and asked if i was calling her a bad mother. lord…she was in a stress for the rest of the evening. She was meant to be going out with my dad and another couple for a meal on thursday night but is now insisting we go to that evening. i was prob gonna go with a friends parents or something. its so annoying coz if she cancels her plans shell make me feel guilty about it. not directly, she’ll act as though she doesnt care and that she really would prefer to be at the school becaue my education is more important but…i know shed rather be out drinking. who wouldnt?? i just feel so…i dunno. stupid. my brother is 20 this month. and he’s in college doing a degree. he has nothing to do with my parents on that side of things anymore. and i just…i still (or just for this once) need my parents help. Thats one thing i would change about my parents. They forget im younger than my brother. I’m 3 years behind him. but they expect me to be as independent as him. (even though it’s him thatgets all his meals cooked for him and everything done for him…yes i get lifts to places, but i cant drive! he can!) *stops rambling*

i shouldnt complain. I wouldnt listen to what my parents said anyway coz they have such different ideas about things to me. but, it’s just, when i feel lost with decisions, i sometimes need to feel as though i’m being given advice even if its advice i wont listen to. but, i always feel liek im doing it alone.*sigh* i do have great parents. i moan far too much about them. i know how lucky i am to have easy going generous parents (well, my dads a tight ass but my mums double as generous as anyone elses parents to make up for it).a nd i know they care…its just…sometimes they dont care in the right way. i feel bad saying this but they’ve grown out of me. They are ready to be people whose kids have gone off to uni. Now my brother is living his own life out of thier house, they have gotten their social life back. and im glad, i wouldnt change that. but, its back to hem forgetting im 3 years behind my brother. i guess im feeling alittle left behind. i still need to have parents and i think they dont need tohave kids anymore.

I guess i’ll just get my independence boots on.

– Lauren xx