Nothing can happen

Man I hate this. me and ollie havent spoken to each other for…a week. I see him around debenhams…not to speak to, just over the other side of the store or something. And, my heart flutters. Man, that sounds cheesy but I do get a kind of lurch in my stomach. I don’t know whether it’s just because I’m nervous about seeing him (because the only time I’ve seen him after those fateful ‘break-up’ texts was when i was walking out of a shop and he was walking past and I ran back in) or whether I really do have feelings for him. I mean, I could write a list a mile long about why I shouldn’t be with him but…at the end of the day, I’ve liked him since I first set eyes on him when I was a little newbie working at Debenhams just after I turned 16. Every time I opened an account I had to go down to his little customer services station and get him to put it through for me…and we would both go bright red and barely say anything to eachother and *everyone* in Debenhams teased us for liking eachother but not doing anything about it. (I think I was still with Charlie at that point). And…*sigh* it’s Ollie and he’s so sweet. *slaps self* no. he’s not. Not when he’s  not in work. He’s a prat. But…*sigh* I can’t help but wish he would ring me or text me or something. maybe it’s not him. Maybe I just want to feel wanted. by anyone. I’m open to offers. I just want someone to want me. I text him earlier because a couple of days after we broke up i text him saying we should go out for a drink and sort things out so I said I don’t like us not talking and perhaps we should do it soon. And he agrees and he says that he’s been lonely without me and…so have I. I’m so lonely. I know it’s not right for me to get back with him. I know that. But, I’m gonna see how I feel when I’m with him and…*shrugs* hopefully he will really annoy me.

I’m not gonna get back with him however I feel because of what’s going to happen. but, I wanna know. It’s scared me the past couple of days because it’s so confusing not knowing why i get that lurch when he’s around. Especially as I have one other person who is confusing me with feelings. really confusing me. Nothing can happen. Not with him, not with Ollie, not with anyone.