Laura the Bitch

I’m so fucking angry with Laura. She’s being such a bitch it is unbelievable. She got upset with me yesterday because she thought I was mad at her (as is the start of EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ARGUMENT). We came back from the pub (we had planned to go to a pub called The Vine then go to a pub called Tram Depot to have some dinner, come back and get ready to go to the uni club) and apparently she thought I was pissed off with her because of who she’s with (I hate her boyfriend). No…I went quiet for ten minutes because we’d just had a heated discussion about our views on cancer…my grandad’s just died from it and I had been at a funeral of a family friend who died from it the day before…so it’s not weird that I went a little quiet and thoughtful, right? well…I don’t think so. tell me if I’m wrong. Somehow that translates to me being pissed off because she’s with James. Go figure.

Anyway, today is the day that 2 of her friends from back home are visiting to go out for her birthday. A few days ago when she misunderstood what I said, she got upset because she thought I wasn’t going to be able to make it. So…she wants me there, right? For the past fortnight she’s been going on about how great it’s going to be, how all three of us and her 2 friends are going to have so much fun and blah blah blah. we were all looking forward to it. After yesterday I decided I wasn’t going to go. After all, it’s Laura’s brithday outing and if she’s not talking to me, I don’t want to ruin it. Plus, I seem to ruin every night of hers by saying something she takes in the wrong way because of how oversensitive she always is…so I told Nicole I wasn’t going. She tried to convince me but as Jordan says, I ‘dug my heels in’.

I have a nice day with Jordan. We go back to my hometown (after some brilliant sex might I add) and visit my nan for her birthday. On the way back to Cambridge I tell Jordan that I definitely don’t want him to stay in Cambs because I didn’t want to make it look like I was rubbing it in Laura’s face that I can make my own plans…if that makes sense.

I get back to my uni and I go in the kitchen to grab some water because I’ve just walked really fast after loads of food and I have a stitch. Nicole and Laura plus her friends are in there having a couple of drinks. Everyone blanks me. Nice.

So I head off to my room and start making myself comfortable for a night in front of the TV and some time spent doing stuff to Jordan’s Valentine’s present. I get a knock on the door. It’s Nicole. She wants to know if I wanna go with them and that they’re leaving in about 15 mins. (and btw Nikki told me later that she said ‘I’m gonna go see if Lauren wants to come out’ and Laura says ‘oh…alright…’) She convinces me by bribing me with alcohol. So we order another taxi and me and Nicole go together. We meet them there and for a few minutes me and Nicole can’t remember how to get to the club (it’s down some back alleys and Cambs is like a maze with back alleys). Those 3 walk completely separate to me and Nikki and still noone but Nicole has spoken to me.

Get to the club and they storm off. Me and Nikki go get a drink and find a table and we don’t see them for about 20 mins. They come and stand near our table but still don’t speak to us. This carries on AAAAAAALLLLLL night. Laura still hasn’t made eye contact with me and it’s 3am. Me and Nikki came home about 2.20 because I have work in the morning and we went over to say bye. Laura did everything she could to ignore Nikki waving in her face but Nikki wasn’t having any of it and even pulled her into a hug bye. She didn’t even glance my way.

I really can’t be doing with this. Yes, I can be a horrid cow sometimes. Yes, I can be a moody bitch. but…for once in my life…I haven’t been. I have never said anything nasty to her. I have always done EVERYTHING to try and include her in everything because she’s so shy and she has no other friends here that she can hang around with except me and Nikki. I have bitten my tongue, not said anything, backed away from her when she’s pissed me off. I haven’t done shit to her. And now she’s dragged Nicole into it. It’s just not fair on any of her – her included. Yes, I can be stubborn but if I know it’s me who was in the wrong, I am the first to apologise and hold my hands up. And I would…but neither me nor Nicole can think of anything I can apologise for.

Oh and…when me and Nikki went to the bar one time in the club, those 3 were there. While I was ordering drink, Nik pinched Laura’s bum in a jokey, friendly way like she always does. Laura’s turns around and says “oh you’re ignoring me now are you?” What?? WHAT?? OH for fuck’s sake. You just…you’re being a selfcentered cow.

I’m so fucking angry. I’ve had a brilliant night out with Nicole though. And I’m SO glad I went because even before I entered the picture, Laura was leaving Nicole out. Apparently they all sat in the kitchen and Ray had to get ready. Laura went and let her in her room and stayed in there with her – leaving Nikki in the kitchen with Fran. After a few minutes Fran sat ‘erm…I need to loo’ and disappeared. So Nikki sat in the kitchen on her own for 25 mins. Now Laura could’ve popped out and either invited Nikki into her room or said ‘we’re gonna be a while so why don’t you go in your room or something and I’ll knock when we’re back in the kitchen’. She could’ve tried to include Nicole in any conversation they had. She could’ve not stormed off with her friends leaving a really slow walker named Nicole behind when they were popping to the shop. She could’ve paid Nicole back for the alcohol Laura insisted she go and buy while those three went somewhere else. She could’ve been a friend to Nicole even before Nicole apparentl started ignoring her once she got with me. She could’ve just not been a bitch.

I’m angry. I’m so so fucking angry…but I can’t say anything because she’ll cry and storm off and ‘think about ODing’ and it’ll be ‘poor Laura, Lauren’s being the cow that she always is’.

I do give off the impression that I’m a cow because of my fuck you attitude. I do come across cocky and mean but I haven’t been. I haven’t done shit. But you know, if Laura’s left on her own everyone will assume that Lauren’s been horrible to Laura and upset her and then stolen Nicole from her to leave her on her own. It’ll all be Lauren’s fault again because she’s such a bitch. Just like it always is.

And now I feel bad because it seems like it’s me who has ruined Nicole and Laura’s friendship. And I don’t want to. I’d rather be left out and leave those 2 to be friends. I’d rather it be like that because I’m not the bitch that she thinks I am. But quote from Nicole ‘well, if she’s gonna be like this then I’m really not sure I even want a friendship with her’. Why did she have to involve Nicole?

Lauren x

(woah fucking hell that was a long rant…all out of my system. Ok. I can go to bed now. Work in the morning and it’s now 3.15am. oops. better drink my lemon tea that’s almost cold then sleep)