I live my life walking down the street

I made a whole long entry yesterday..all thoughtful and deep. Then it got deleted. I couldn’t be bothered to do another one because I knew it would just be half hearted.

I felt like a change "Øyne" is eyes in Norweigian. You know, me and my eye fascination..blah yeah, I just thought the word looked cool hehe. And I thought the colour was pretty. I struggle to be comfortable with my diary. I can’t seem to find a colour scheme that..fits. I mean, different colours suit different moods and a diary is a place to store all of your different moods. I can’t have all the colours of my moods. I mean, that would be a struggle for anyone but I am one hell of a moody bitch hehe. It would be like the rainbow up in here!

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about all the university stuff and…man this is fucked up. hehe. I applied for a course in Sheffield half because Henry is in Sheffield and half because there weren’t really any others that I wanted. Sheffield don’t do optometry so I applied for an Orthoptics course. I’ve been reading up some more on it and..I *really* *really* want to do it. hah. I don’t think I’ll get the grades. I’ll have to work my ass off..like *really* start now. No more skiving. No more saying "I don’t want to go anyway". No more half hearted attempts. No more staying on MSN all night and avoiding homework. I gotta somehow find the self motivation to kick myself up the ass. It’s kinda bad me having this Anglia Ruskin course that I know I can get into quite easily. OK, not quite easilym it’s a piece of piss lol. Because I’m slacking even more because I have that to fall back on. But..Orthoptics just sounds so cool!! and Henry is there. mega bonus?? But, I don’t even know if I’ll get in. I have an interview which Henry is making me go to (I want to now anyway). But..I dunno. I’m not good at the whole interview thing. I was lucky that I haven’t needed an interview for the Anglia Ruskin one. I don’t think I’ll get in with an interview needed. bah. And..even if I do..is it too late for me to work my grades up to all Bs? I mean, I’m capable of As. I know for sure I am. That’s not me being big headed it’s just that I find exams and stuff come pretty naturally to me with a bit of work. I just haven’t been working.Not at all. And is it too late to turn it all around? I just don’t know.

This is the course site. I know you guys probably wont find it all that interesting but..eyes are my passion lol. I don’t have many passions. But eyes are one of them.

On another note, my mum’s still in hospital. Bless her. She’s had the blood transfusion yesterday. She’s still losing a lot of blood. She’s feeling OK but then she was feeling OK before she went in. Basically nothing has changed except her having the blood given to her. The doctors are shite. The nurses are all off sick. There is a severe stomach bug going through our hospital so my grandad can’t visit my mum because his immunity is so low from his chemo tablets he’s on now. But, all is well. As well as expected anyway.

Went to work this morning and had a lot of fun. Then picked my brother up and went to my nans for dinner (she thinks we can’t cope without mum hehe bless her). Took my brother and my nan to the hospital to visit my mum. While they were there I got a load of ironing done. Then I went to visit her this evening. My uncle turned up too. Damn it. She needs to come home..I am having to drive far too much for my liking. Drove to and from work to and from my nans to and from the hospital to and from getting my dads takeaway tonight. Great.

I’m fucked for tomorrow. Back to school. I just haven’t had time to do any of my work. You know how it is..you leave things to the weekend before you go back. I figured, perfect…I have Saturday off work..and Sunday I finish work at 1.30. Loads of time. Damn it. lol. Stupid mother. I’m sure my teachers will understand if I tell them what’s going on but I have had a week to get the stuff done..so I don’t really have an excuse. And I don’t think I even want my head of 6th form to know. I don’t trust him anymore. And..would my mum want them to know? I know I don’t have to say what’s wrong with her but still..

Anyway..I’ve been rambling. You know what..after reading all the orthoptics stuff and having some fun at work..I am in high spirits. I’m gonna disappear now and try and get some work done.

*waves*

– Lauren xx