Heart Attack

Why the hell is everything happening at the same time? I’m fed up with it. I really am. I’m just pissed off with everything! I only have today and tomorrow to decide. If I’m going to do it, it should be before I’m 18. tonight and tomorrow. *sighs*

That wasn’t the point in this entry, once again I get selfish and focus on myself.

My ‘dad’…or someone I call dad…or…the girl I think of as my little sister’s dad…had a heart attack this morning/last night. Man. It’s so scary. I was sitting in my common room and my little sister (Zoe) came into the room. People in my year know her because she comes up a lot to see me and so she’s made friends with a lot of my friends…so they were talking to her as she walked in but she was ignoring them and looking straight at me. I said something to her, I can’t remember what…possibly "Zoe, how you doing?" or something stupid like that. and she just told me to move over so she could sit down i the corner I was sitting in and she just burst into tears. I quickly grabbed her and dragged her out of the busy room as quickly as I could and we had a cuddle and her best friend came up and looked worried. Apparently (so she told me later) when she got the phone call telling her that he was going to hospital, she came to me straight away without telling anyone…that meant a lot. She knows how much I care. man, im rambling. this entry is so…

well she was so panicky i said I would take her to the hospital. We get there and, for an accident and emergency department…they don’t move very fast.We waited for ages when she tried to find out where he was (after waiting a few minutes before she even asked us what we wanted or took any notice…we could’ve both been choking and unable to breathe…but she wouldntve known) then we weren’t allowed to go see him (i wasn’t gonna go anyway but Zoe needed to see him). she got mum out of the room and she tried to reassure me and Zoe but the whole time she was trying not to cry. It washorrible. I just wanted to hug her and tell her not to worry but I knew she would cry if I did and I knew she would hate that. Man, this is a load of shit.

I don’t even want to write anymore. I don’t even want to do anything. I’m going to spend the night at the docks.