Fuck Off 2006. Fuck off.

Happy new year. Happy fucking new year my arse.

This entry is very long. You don’t have to read it. It is for my own benefit to be able to ramble…

Went out last night to northern soul night. It was good once i cheered myself up and "got out of my grump" as Zoe so affectionately called it. 1 minute past midnight Zoe runs up to me saying that this year is going to be good for all of us, she can feel it. 4.30 this morning Zoe says "what a start to the new year. it’s gonna be shit"

I typed everything that happened in a massively long entry this afternoon. Then my fucking shit laptop fucked up again. *hits it* fuck off. (fuck is *good* to say when you’re angry. I don’t know what I’m angry at. The year I guess. Just the fact that all this shit happens? Myself for letting myself still be here to experience it? I don’t know.

You know, at one part of this night I was talking to a man…who for the purposes of this entry I will call Fuckwit because I don’t know him and I don’t wanna get bloke 1s and 2s as I explain because that’s confusing…and I was saying stuff like "Oh, don’t be pissed off.It’s the new year, time for fresh starts and having fun, at least use today to be calm and try to get on. Just cheer up." You know what, I wanna tell myself to fuck off for saying that.

Well, where do I start? Me, Zoe, Roxanne and Harry are walking to Roxanne’s aunties to sleep there because her aunt and uncle are away. Zoe walks with Harry and me and Roxanne walk ahead. Rox really likes Harry and they have been on a couple of dates and Harry really likes Rox. It’s a big thing because Rox just goes with people for a shag or because she "doesn’t want to die alone" so she can’t be single. *rolls eyes* And, she goes for bad boys who treat her like shit. Harry is adorable. He treats her like a princess. Zoe, however, has a habit of getting her nose stuck into situations. So she is flirting with Harry but chatting about Roxanne, this is pissinbg Rox off because Zoe always does it. First argument.

Rox speaks to Kernsey on the phone when we are at her aunts. Zoe thinks it is Alfie, Rox’s ex, and says so in front of Harry. She sends me to see who she is speaking to. It, obviously, is not Alfie. I say this. She asks who it is but, as I have a slightly more tactful nature than Zoe do not say that it is Kernsey in front of Harry. Kernsey, you see, has been shagging Rox for ages. Harry is pissed off at the mention of Alfie (mentions : Zoe continues to insist it is Alfie when I say Rox didn’t say who it was).

*tries to sort order of events in own mind*

There are various mini arguments, Rox asks me if I can get rid of Zoe for a bit for her so she can have a talk with Harry. I play my smoker card and get Zoe to come outside with me for a smoke. Whilst we are out there Kernsey is seen approaching. He is coming to stay at Rox’s. He looks very pissed off. He tells us a story about how two guys started on him and Addy. A guy a few doors down (Fuckwit) is standing outside listening. Kernsey suddenly says "I’ll be back in a minute" and runs off back where he came from (and obviously where the peoplewho started on him are). Zoe goes after him. I am wearing Roxanne’s size 7 shoes on my size 3 feet. I take a few halfhearted stumbling steps in my big stilettos. The man from a few doors down asks what is wrong with Kernsey. I tell him the story and he says "oh so everyone is having a good new year then". I ask what’s wrong. His wife has kicked the door an smashed some of the glass. Kernsey and Zoe are returning. Fuckwit says "When she gets back I’m gonna chuck her through the nearest window."

I tell him to calm down. He is irrate. Kernsey is irrate. His dad used to hit his mum. Kernsey has a mouth off at Fuckwit. Kernsey is ANGRY. I stand between the two whilst Zoe drags Kernsey away. We spend a long time trying to keep Kernsey away. It is not easy. Kernsey would kill him. Fuckwit’s wife (Red) is walking down the road towards the house with Fuckwit’s friend who we shall call Niceguy. Fuckwit shoves Red in the house. Kernsey sees. Niceguy is in there too. Kernsey breaks free. Zoe has been called into the house. Kernsey stands outside the door or Fuckwit’s house listening, waiting to see if he hits her. Fuckwit see’s Kernsey’s figure through the frosted glass. I run (have changed my shoes) to Kernsey to pull him away just as Fuckwit opens the door. Red is standing on the stairs. She screams "who the fuck is that?" I try to pull Kernsey away. Kernsey is begging Fuckwit not to hit her. "It’s not worth it. Don’t hit women. Don’t do it" I manage to convince him to come away. We stand outside Rox’s aunts. Red storms over to us asking what the fuck we are doing. I thought she was gonna hit me or Kernsey. I got in before Kernsey could and explained that Fuckwit had threatened to hit her and that Kernsey was worried and angry. She goes all soft, gives Kernsey a hug and tell him not to worry and that she can look after herself and she wont take shit from him. Kernsey tells her to get out and come to Rox’s if he touches her. He says to me as she goes back to the house that he will rip his face off if he touches her.Shit eh?

The guy starts mouthing off. Zoe drags Kernsey round the corner into the next road leaving me outside alone. I hear the sound of things being thrown around and someone being hit and screaming. I hear Niceguy shouting "Get the fuck off her! come with me! Please! come with me! you’re gonna kill her!" He drags Fuckwit out. I am half glad Kernsey didn’t hear it because he would have killed Fuckwit but half wishing he would come back. Fuckwit is storming towards me and Niceguy is shouting "Don’t do it. she’s just a bird." To say I shat myself in definitely an understatement. I was praying for Harry to come out or Kernsey to come back. He seems to calm down in the few seconds it takes to get to me. I must’ve looked scared. He tells me to apologise to Kernsey and says that everything is ok and for Kernsey not to worry and that he’s a nice guy for looking out for women. He walks off. Niceguy takes him away. Zoe and Kernsey return.

Sometime during this I go in to get my fags (I think it was when I changed my shoes) and see that Rox is crying. She comes into the hallway starts telling me that Harry is refusing to talk to her. She bursts into tears. I pull off my shoes and run after her as she runs upstairs. I wait a few seconds for her to get herself comfy then walk in carefully and give her a hug. I have a quick chat and then go downstairs to check on Harry. He is watching TV and I dont know him very well so I dont say anything. I go outside to check Zoe and Kernsey are OK.

We get everyone back inside. I get phonecalls from Ollie. He upsets me and I end up calling him a selfish wanker and saying he treats me like shit. (I had had a few to drink) Whilst I am struggling with running between various upset and angry people I keep getting called by Ollie again, hanging straight up, telling him to fuck off (even though he can’t hear me) and throwing my phone across the room. This results me having to get a breather and going for a 20 minute walk. Zoe rings me hysterically asking where i am where im going who im meeting hyow long with i

be and such questions. I say im not meeting anyone, i will be back in a bit. I get angry that she wont leave me be and end up shouting "I wil be back in a minute!" She says fine and hangs up. I know she was just worried but…bah.

Zoe gets upset at some point because Rox is honest about how she feels about her taking Harry. Zoe cries and there is a hint of "I’m you’re best friend. I wouldnt try to hurt you" blah blah blah 

Harry wants to leave. He refuses to stay if Kernsey is knowing that he and Rox have been shagging. He is finding it difficult to trust her…I wouldn’t tust her. He is drunk and it is the early hours of the morning. He is *not* wandering off alone. I hide his coat and shoes and lock the door until he organises for someone to meet him halfway and he promises Zoe he will text when he gets there.

Throughout the night there are various seriosu conversations. One of which lasted about 20 minutes with me Zoe and Rox…Me and Zoe forcing Rox to be honest about how she feels. We can see right through her and her reasons of being with bad boys. the whole fear of rejection thing. She eventually agrees and looks better to know that me and Zoe understand her. I think perhaps she couldnt quite put into words why she lets people shit on her so me and Zoe did it for her.

Urgh, dya know what, that’s enough. I could go on for a little while longer but I’m drained. You getthe idea. Plus, I have to write my entry about why today made the new year shit yet.

-:Lauren