exam, dance, sex

had exam today on topic i knew nothing about until my hours of revision last night. last lesson teacher said i would fail and had a major go making out i was really dumb. oh and guess who was the only person to get an A? i only lost 3 marks so HAH in your bitch face! she didnt even apologise! she asked for a show of hands for each grade. When she said A and i was the only 1 people jokingly moaned and she said “oh Lauren you’ve let the side down” fuck you stupid bitch. two lessons left until she goes on maternity leave. woohoo!!! im sure she’s a lovely woman but she’s a bitch of a teacher!

went to a dance lesson, was kinda fun, we made up a dance with the whole class, like one person did 4 beats and then next person added on 4 beats etc etc was actually quite a good dance as well! Amy still ill not returned to dancing, bless her, kinda worried! Suzie there. we had some fun, but she keeps asking me if i go out with Ol in discreet ways (she used to date him) the most popular and the one used today “who are you with now?” lol. and then looks shocked when i say noone! lol…

im having 2nd thoughts about me and Ol. i like him as a person i really do, im just not a very sexual person. not for any particular reason other than i dont really enjoy sexual things. unless it’s me giving…which i find even weirder. maybe i just havent been with the right person but, still, i dont like it. im also self conscious about my body so i guess that adds to it. but he is the complete opposite. and as i found out on saturday it takes a lot of repetition to get him to listent to “no,” which i DO NOT like about him. we were talking about it monday (apparently he’s very open about talking about sex…i am not but that doesnt matter coz he will anyway) and he said he wanted to make sure i didnt want to. i didnt like that either. it’s only 1 thing and only 1 time but…urgh. and a good friend of mine said he thinks he’s only after 1 thing. although he doesnt know Ol, never met him, just heard what i said and i think i may have exaggerated things. but am i exaggerating things because subconsciously i know i should be focussing on this bad point because its such a problem for me? o i dont know.

why so i make life so complicated for myself? lol

Purple Eyeshadow xx