Bye Jason

I tried to leave today with as smaller number of moans as possible. I’ve been smiling all day and being up beat. Well, trying to be. But, I got into work and after about half an hour I had to go down to the womenswear till for something. I can’t even remember what. Scatty Linda said "what’s the matter?" and I was like "nothing" she said "you sure you dont look very happy. you look a bit pissed off actually" and I was like "nah I’m ok" so she said "come here and let me give you a hug. you need a good hug, love".  *smiles slightly* yeah I do need a hug. Thanks Linda *smiles* I didn’t say it before but when I say I need a hug, that’t not what I mean. I mean, I need a hug from Jason. I just wanna cuddle up to him so it all feels better again.

But, it’s not going to happen. I’m fed up with hurting Jason. He mean so much tome that I hate being so fucking horrible to him. Well, no more. This is the end. No matter how much it will hurt me, I know it;s the right thing to do. I’ve started to lessen the amount I talk to him. If we stop being close and gradually ‘grow apart’ then he can get away from me and I can stop hurting him and…when I do it…it wont hurt him so much. *nods* yes. This is right.

. o O ( but it hurts so much )

-Lauren xx