BJ night

What a shit day. Everything’s been serious today. Got lots of disappointed looks from Mr Fendley when I went to speak to him today. I’m just really fed up with everything 6th form related. Even the people right now. I don’t want to be there. Everyone’s saying “only 2 weeks left” and I’m saying “another fucking two weeks left and then 15 fucking exams”. I just want it all to be other with right now.

I think I’m just a little pissed off right now because I cut pretty bad last night. I’m trying to keep to my ‘don’t get hung up on it’ approach but today it’s not too easy. I’m just very annoyed at myself. I’m gonna have a night in tomorrow night to let some steam off. Not going to a party I’m meant to be going to tonight. Chloe Brundle’s and Jenny Watson’s. Can’t be assed. And tomorrow I was meant to be going out with Chris and Dave Saunders for their 18th but I don’t really want to. OR I was meant to be going out with lil Zoe to gambling night at the BL but *shrugs* I’m having a BJ night (that’s what Zoe called it lol) or Bridget Jones night. Gonna stay in, watch some shit TV and get drunk on my own. Very very drunk. I know this will end in tears and I’ll get upset and end up cutting or something but…*shrugs* A day off eh?

Jane had an accident at work. One of the rails fell on her as she was taking it apart. Bad time for me to walk into work to have a chat eh? That’ll be another sue on the company.

REALLY worrying about Ollie now. Apparently Mr Y the Debs manager rang him and asked him to come back. His car wasn’t there today though. Really don’t know what’s going on with him. Everyone’s saying it started when me and him broke up the first time…He did go a bit weird I must admit. And then he started sleeping with this Amber…then all the shit happened with me him and Amber. Now he’s completely gone off the rails. I do feel guilty. I guess I am a difficult person to be around sometimes. I want to ring and make sure he’s ok but…I told him never to speak to me again. And I don’t want anything to do with him but I’ve liked him for years…we’ve been really close. I trusted him enough to sleep with him for fucks sake. I don’t want him to lose his job and muck up his whole life. anyway…he’s not important any more, right?

feeling pretty lonely right now. Wish I had someone to have my Bridget Jones night with. One person in particular. I guess then it wouldn’t be a BJ night (hah well…you never know).

Anyway, *wanders away*

Lauren xx