an answer to a question in a note

i did go to seminary, with the intention of becomeing a minister.  it was, to say the least a disaster.  i went to a seminary in a fairly goodsized midwestern city that has a very well known professional baseball team and football team that won the super bowl the year i was there.  i think it has a hockey team, but for the life of me i can’t remember the name. 

i honestly felt i was being called into the minsitry. i really did.  i thought and prayed hard about it and the decision to follow that "call" was one of the scariest things i’d ever done.  there were two seminaries i could of gone to.  the other one was in a much smaller city in the midwest.  it was a pretty little place, but i didn’t feel the connect to it like i did the "big house" (as i started to call the sem i went to). 

the big house reminded me a lot of west point.  it had that same feel and style to it.  large grey granite buildings, kind of gothic looking.  it was actually in a hoity-toity suburb of the biggish midwestern city.  it was next two universities, one of which is fairly well known.  it was a beautiful school. 

my two quarters there were a study in abject failure.  i had to learn biblical hebrew and greek.  greek was and is still a mystery to me.  i couldn’t get it to stay in my brainpan, no matter how hard i tried.  hebrew was a little easier, but by the time it clicked it was a tad too late. i was "politely" asked to leave.  it was one of the hardest times of my life.  it was a cap to another unpleasant year.

earlier that year i had been student teaching and had a mini-nervous breakdown in the middle of classroom.  i never finished my student teaching, the university i was attending had pity on me and allowed me to graduate with an English degree.  later that summer, i became very friendly with a guy that worked at the same camp i did.  as a matter of fact he helped me heal myself from my troubles in the classroom.  but he had his own problems and after the summer staff left the camp, and i was in canada on an all expense paid trip to a Shakespeare Festival, he decided he wanted to go away.  so he hanged himself from a tree.

i shouldn’t of been in seminary, at least i should of waited a year.  i should of attempted to get some of the languages under my belt before attempt it.  i know that now, 11 years later. 

yes, my faith is the most important thing to me.  it has gotten me through many a thing.  do i still feel the call?  sometimes, yes.  will i ever answer that call?  who says i’m not now?  i may not be an ordained pastor, but in my own little way i am ministering to others around me.  i talk, somewhat openly, about my faith here and when i do i often comments about it.  i keep it to myself.  i don’t believe in living outloud in my faith.  i think that’s off putting to others around me.  so i read the bible and have recently started reading more lutheran theology its beautiful stuff, let me tell you.  i pray, a lot and seek guidance through my faith.