sleep

Sleep doesn’t come easy for me anymore.  I’m not quite in the Michael Jackson league yet, but Lunesta has lost its punch.  I don’t really understand all of it, but I’m sure it has to do with being away from my family during the work week.  As I write this it’s coming up on 2 am.  Sleep that is so elusive.  I am almost falling asleep as I write with my eyes closed that fly wide open when I lay down.  Somewhere in my mind I believe it has something to do with not feeling safe or secure.  I first noticed this when things started to unravel at my job of 20+ years.  I began to have difficulty falling asleep but would go to family gatherings at my in-laws and fall asleep on their couch in mid afternoon.  I actually remember this same type of sleep patterns not long after my divorce.  I would take my daughter to visit my mother and take a nap while there while she entertained my young daughter.  My parents are both gone now and I don’t visit my in-laws as often as I once did.  I now have a job about half the distance from my home as the previous one.  Still a little far to drive each day.Which is better yet in some perverse way worst.  I’m closer in a way but just as far in another.  I watch a younger guy in a somewhat similar situation, normally a nice guy have one melt down after another and become disillusioned more each day with what he thought would be a good move.

No Country for Old Men comes to mind.  I write this on a Thursday night.  The last night before returning "home".  And it’s no better.  I can’t help but make the comparison between myself and Michael.  And wonder if I will learn to deal with this situation or not.  There is hope.  For once I do get to sleep I usually sleep well.  The weekends restore me and I begin to feel like I am almost back to normal by Sunday night.

I’m now to the point of being unable to keep my eyes open.  Sleep may be here at last…