4/2/09
Alright I don’t know about the rest of you guys but I don’t like the new setup.
I was going to title this entry "CANCER" but I wanted to write about other things as well. I don’t wish cancer on anyone, that is a tough and rough way to die. A co worker that I sit next to her mother died of cancer and by the time the docs found out she had it, the cancer was already in stage 3 and she died very quickly. Well I met a guy back in October of last year through plentoffish. We have become close, good friends (at least I hope we have) well his mom and brother have both passes away from cancer well now his dad has it. He started kemo quit awhile ago (after we started talking) well his red blood cells have been very very low so he has been getting injections to try and increase his red blood cells and hasn’t had Kemo in the last month and a half. Well "C" and I haven’t really talked since last friday, I usually let him contact me. He tried twice to get a hold of me the other day well when "R" is home I usually don’t answer my phone. Something in my stomach didn’t sit right, so I told him yesterday to call me in the morning. I talked to him this morning and I guess his dad isn’t doing well, he isn’t eating and has dropped 7 pounds in a week. he said that when his dad doesn’t want to do anything or get out of bed that is when he knows it won’t be long. I feel bad because "C" is on the outside because his dad and sis live in California. He said that depending on what his sis says tonight he might be heading out this weekend. When is dad does pass he doesn’t know how long he will be gone. My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family right now. I guess on top of it his sisters son is causing problems too and getting into all kinds of trouble. Last year "C" found his sis husband dead in the shower, he had a stroke and it killed him. I feel so bad for "C" and his family they have been through so much shit the last few years.
My daughters father has been sending me a few emails: I asked him if he would help me pay for a paternity test and this was his email back to me:
I love how I have so much shit going on right now, and now I get to deal with this also. I am busy tomorrow (Tuesday) but should be available on Wednesday. CALL (don’t text) me when you get off of work or whenever you are available. And no, I do not have the money to pay half right now. I am very low on funds and will be until at least May or June. And then another email from him again:
Whatever Lisa. Sound familiar? Up until a couple of months ago, I still considered us close, now you are reverting back to how you were when we dated (naggy, attitude when you don’t get your way, impatient). I broke up with you because of those traits and now it seems I’ve been dealing with them a lot more lately than right before we broke up. Like I said, you want to do this, you let me know when. I don’t have the money to pay for it right now, so it will have to be up to you. If this is the closure you are looking for, then make it happen. I don’t know how I was being rude in my last e-mail,but if you think the last e-mail was rude, keep up the bullshit e-mails and text messaging and you will see rude and then some. I don’t have time to deal with your attitude, and yes Lisa that is what it is, your attitude. Yes, I have a lot of things going on in my life right now and I know you don’t understand what it is to have my life. It’s not poor pitiful Corky, everyone always picking on me. I don’t give a fuck who picks on me. It’s the fact that I’m doing things to get my life moving in the right direction right now and am already being pulled in several directions. And you want fucking rude??? No, I probably won’t be there when you have to sit Abbie down because I"m the one that wanted her to be adopted so she wouldn’t have to go through all of this, but you had to have it your way. It’s always about you!!! Let me know when you get this kit thing so I can figure out when I can get together with you and make you happy.
p.s.
Why would it be sad to go into the military to better my life? My response back to him and haven’t heard anything back, which might be a good thing!!!
you wanted me to put her up for adoption because you wanted the easy way out and
you didn’t want to have to deal with either one of us. You have your 2 terrific wonderful
kids corky and the first time I get pregnant you want me to put her up for adoption.
you have no idea what I have gone through and what I went through when I was
pregnant. You will never understand. It is easier for you to turn your back.
You considered us close? you have a funny way of showing that. I haven’t
gotten my way for 6 months Corky. If you went that long without getting your
way you would start to get upset too. All I have asked is for an hour or 2 of
your time. It sucks that i can’t express my feelings
to you, I never have been able to express my feelings to you because you always
end up being pissed with me.
just like I don’t understand you life, you don’t understand mine.
like I have said in the past all I have done is tried to be your friend and
that doesn’t seem to be good enough for you.
Abbie isn’t going through anything right now Corky, if I choose to
I don’t ever have to tell abbie about you or about your parents or
about chance and april. She has people that love her, it makes me
sad to see what you and your parents are missing out on. You can’t
say that your other kids are miracles corky, but you can say that abbie
is a miracle. She has come along way and she will be 2 April 13th.
Abbie is a premie graduate from banner desert and I don’t know if you have
any idea what kind of problems kids are born with everyday. I am lucky, she is
lucky to be here and to be alive today.