What’s the word for bittersweet memories..? That’s the title.

Today I’m a little depressed.

I just spent about an hour searching for my old diary in Wayback Machine. I found my diary from 2006, but couldn’t get access past the intro page. I don’t know exactly why I’m crying, but I think I want to get back to me…and OD used to help me do that.

On a positive note, there’s a chance I saved the original download of my diary way back when the website closed down. We shall see if I can retrieve it to get the whole thing re-uploaded. I just miss this place… it was like a home. But a home doesn’t quite feel right anymore when none of your stuff is in there. What’s left is a kind of yearning. Like a really strong craving for chocolate, perhaps.

So much has changed since then. God, so much. And not necessarily in a good way, although a lot of wonderful things have happened. Back then I was 14. Now I’m 33 and life, you know? Life is so constant… sometimes you get a little lost and it’s hard to admit it. Sometimes you don’t know whether you’re lost or found.

I used to say that though many parts of me change, the deepest part of me always stays the same, and I still believe that.

I hate these silly chapters I added into my diary. At the time I thought ‘structure, great’, but life doesn’t come in chapters.