And it’s just getting worse.

So half way through Sunday and I’m over it all, I can’t handle not being able to just go and be. I’m over the over active brain I have, the low self-esteem that I have had all my life. It makes doing anything so hard. I can’t just go with the flow, I can’t just let what ever will be will be. I have to push I have to make things happen on my time no one else’s

So today I decided to check in on an old friend. One that I use to have a casual relationship with. I’m that bored I thought I would reach out and talk to him only to talk and that’s all. We he shot me down quicker than you can imagine. His excuse was that he is in a newish relationship and they have been having some troubles and he didn’t want to cause anymore problems with her….. He’s not allowed to talk to other females? So very strange. I really only wanted to talk nothing more and wow I’m just so shocked by it.

I am feeling very alone in my life. I thought I had people but I have not ad a single friend reach out and see how I am, I have with them but no one has asked me. I am feeling miserable, very low and like I don’t belong on this earth. I would never do anything to hurt myself just having a very low self pity day.

“T1” contacted me today we had a quick chat but I feel like that is only heading one way and a way I am not wanting it to go. We may have to have a chat about it all cause I am not here just for fun and games.

“T2” I haven’t heard from him in over 24 hrs. We messaged briefly yesterday I tried to call and sent a text just to say I called to say Hi and chat soon. So how knows with that.

We are in a very strange time and peoples heads are all over the place. At the moment we are all waiting to see if we get put into lock down for the next 2 week. Hoping it will happen cause then maybe we will have an end date to all this madness and I might be able to think a little better knowing there is an end in sight.

Well I can think of anything more. I might update later we’ll see

Thanks for reading, leave a comment lets chat

Cheers