Cold Poland

I’m back from Poland and I feel empty inside, I think I terribly miss my aunt and grandmother.

When I arrived in Poland my grandma was already in hospital, she had a stroke and her right part was mildly paralyzed(right leg and hand mainly). They have also discovered that she has been having a tumor in her head, it’s been there probably for 20 years, but because it hasn’t caused any problems so far the doctor said there is no point to touch it. It’s small and it doesn’t grow, I’ve read that this kind of tumor can have many people and not even knowing it. The stroke had nothing to do with the tumor, and I felt glad that they decided not to touch it.

I came to Poland with my parents so we all went to visit her. More people came but somehow it was me who started to wash her and feed her (things that I’ve never done before as long as I remember). Later I understood why it was me, it was a preparation as it was me who had time to go and visit her every day. My parents had to stay home to renovate a bit the house and as my mum is not so well herself she wasn’t able to use a public transport and for her to travel means only by car.

I was going by bus and it was quite a journey as there were only two buses per hour and almost always late. It got very cold as well so all I can remember from those journeys was me shaking and having a steam constantly coming out of my mouth 😉 Thankfully few times I went with my aunt which was a big, emotional support

Grandma was lying in the older not renovated (probably since the times when communism was still on) part of the hospital (very, very different from the new part) so I felt a bit like I have moved back in time 😉 but behind the surface it was OK. My experience with people was very good, I’ve realised that people in Poland are quite open and helpful, few times I needed a help and they helped me, they were very …human. I think the only problem in Poland is money, not enough stuff in hospitals etc.

I try not think about my grandma as thinking about her lying there, not being able to move tears my heart. She was the one who always was very active, she was doing everything by herself, one of those people who hardly ask for help and do their job without expecting other people to do something for them instead. It’s really sad seeing her like that, but the good news is that if she participate in rehabilitation she might be able to walk by herself and maybe even use her right hand. She will be signed out of the hospital next week.

I also spent a lot of time with my aunt, who has always been my best friend. I’ve experienced a very different approach towards life, quieter, slower a bit….and I loved it. I’ve read more as the TV at my aunt’s is always off. I’ve discovered a great book (for kids I believe) which I’ve sort of stolen from Poland but I will write about this next time.

Overall I’m glad I’m back but I feel huge hole in my heart, the mixture of emptiness combined with loneliness….but I don’t have any plans trying to feel it with any rubbish. Will leave it as it is….somehow it makes me closer to them.

P.S. had my camera but haven’t used it at all.