to the tune of I NEED A HERO

where have all the cold cuts gone
and where’s the cheddar cheese?
who could make a sandwich with
ingredients like these?
I need some roast beef cooked full-through and lean
late at night I toss and turn and dream of submarines

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a hoagie or some call it a sub
it needs some tur-key, it’s gotta have ham
then add bacon to make it a club

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a grinder where the tastes combine
maybe with pork that’s cured or mustard by the spoon
or with lettuce that’s shredded real fine, shredded real fine

somewhere after midnight
opening the cabinets
somewhere just beyond my reach
hidden behind the bacon bits
I need a jalepeno that will bring the heat
isn’t there a sandwich that can sweep me off my feet?

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a hoagie or some call it a sub
it needs some tur-key, it’s gotta have ham
then add bacon to make it a club

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a grinder where the tastes combine
maybe with meat that’s cured or mustard by the spoon
or with lettuce that’s shredded real fine

up where the toppings meet the vegetable bed
where condiments rest tenderly
I could swear that there’s someone in there taunting me
while my stomach just gurgles in pain
I need something good something strong
something better than a five-dollar foot long

I’ll meet a hero…
and then I’ll eat ’til my pants are tight
cutting my blood off
so tight
tonight’s the night

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a hoagie or some call it a sub
it needs some tur-key, it’s gotta have ham
then add bacon to make it a club

I need a hero…
I’m holding out for a grinder where the tastes combine
maybe with meat that’s cured or mustard by the spoon
or with lettuce that’s shredded real fine, shredded real fine