dead cat bounce

Well, my mom just berated me into fucking tears.

Made me feel fucking worthless about my horrible directionless situation.

God, being an adult is just the best.

I gotta try to stave off an anxiety attack to host the anniversary show at the Tram tonight.

God, last year’s I felt like there was just such promise.

Second date with a new girl, publishing prospects, applying to jobs.

Now this year I have nothing.

Oh God.

Dead Cat Bounce, huh? I thought coming back to LF was bottoming out but it was actually my dead cat bounce, throw a dead cat against the ground, it’ll bounce up a little, right? Having a place to live again WAS the dead cat bounce.

Throw me out of your house, mom, or get off my fucking back.

I need out of this town so badly and I don’t even have enough to my name to couch surf in LA or NYC to try and find something.

Oh God, you guys, I am so fucking lonely.

The tears are really hot.

Pull it together.

Perform.

Do something.

Do anything.

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January 20, 2014

I have no words. I am so sorry. *hugs*