01/02/14 barrage

1.) A bath sponge that grows three times and turns green in water called a Loofah Rigno.

2.) Twilight Zone was great in small doses but in marathon form, MAN, is it a depressing meditation on the doomed human condition.

3.) BREAKING NEWS: Polaroid photo taken! More on this story as it develops.

4.) The rise of the tablet phone has made the wave of the future clear: PHONE TABLETS.

5.) RESISTANCE IS FERTILE!

6.) Horrifying giant anthropomorphic raisins with kettles and bells demanding money, the Claymation Army.

7.) Salience green is made out of relevance. RELEVANCE!

8.) Two different corpses had a hand in creating Frankenstein’s monster.

9.) I await when the Xmas shopping season is pushed so far back that the After-Xmas Sales and Xmas Sales merge into one.

10.) Lemonade and iced tea – Arnold Palmer. Lemonade and beer – Shandy. Lemonade, iced tea and beer – Arnold Schwarzenegger.

11.) Pac-Man is a super-genius serial killer put into a constantly shifting cell so he can’t break out, tormented by visions of his victims.

12.) Had David Seville only been a climatologist, the Chipmunks would’ve been too and he could’a been all like “Kelllll-VIN!”

13.) Camus, Camus, Camus is on fire.

14.) A character reincarnated over and over to witness the fall of each empire for some reason, the current one in America now.

15.) It’s the elite black-ops unit of the ghost army. Spectral forces, you know.

16.) Deglazing the pan to make gravy brought back fond memories for him.

17.) When they tell you not to curse, they aren’t guarding morals, they’re stealing one of your tools of emphasis to help silence you. Work blue!

18.) I want to kick the internet straight in the listicles sometimes.

19.) Our personal symbologies stalk us everywhere. Attach a premise to your sense of identity and suddenly it appears.

20.) Negative reinforcement has never accomplished a damn. Ever anywhere. It always just makes things worse in the long run. It is a dead idea.