Things Were Finally Said

Rather than re-typing everything, below is an E-mail I wrote to a good friend this morning. Lynne and I finally talked it out last night. She was SUPER upset about a lot of things – I KNEW it!

So I called Lynne on my way home from Dress Barn after work last night – I hadn’t heard from her since the Tuesday before, which wasn’t like her at all. I felt like the last couple of times I had talked to her that something was up, she was upset about something but she would never come out with it. Well – boy, did she come out with it last night!

I told her I called to find out if her husband was doing the Pumpkinvine bike ride on Saturday, which he isn’t but Brian is so just wanted to check. Then, I asked her for ideas about what to get her daughter for her birthday. And you know what she said – NOTHING. I just sat there shocked – she said she didn’t really need anything. OK – has an alien come down and taken Lynne or something? I was just like OK – and then asked, so she isn’t going to get anything for her birthday this year? Then Lynne says something like – well, I figured since you didn’t want to come to her party, I would just rather you didn’t get her anything!

OMG! So – we finally had it out about everything – about the birthday party thing, about hanging out with the kids and about that Friday night WEEKS ago when Brian and I reacted less than kindly to her talk of possibly being pregnant again and her daughter’s scream fest. I guess Brian made some rather rude comments about the kids while we were there – I honestly don’t recall them but after she repeated them, I vaguely remembered something about them. I don’t think he meant them seriously, more just joking around but hearing her say it, they were not kind and shouldn’t have been said.

I guess she was so upset about the whole thing, she cried for 3 days afterwards and never called to talk to me about it or anything. She said she didn’t want to interrupt my visit with my mom and then the wedding stuff came along and next thing you know, it is weeks later and you are just harboring resentment. I think she got to vent everything she wanted to – I got to vent about 50% of what I wanted to, most of it centered around the birthday party issue and by the time we got off the phone, we were fine. I still have something to share with her that she needs to know – about how things she has done have hurt MY feelings after all of the things we have done for her and her and her husband over the years, that she doesn’t try and stop to consider our feelings more and not just what SHE wants. That conversation will just have to come another day.

So – we are square on the birthday parties and won’t be going to theirs either. She came around, finally understood what we were trying to do and we will plan a day to get together for her daughter’s. We both suggested the the Lake 4th of July party but Brian and I both have the 4th off too (the lake party is on the 5th) so we might go over that day and spend some time with all of them.

I was surprised about the party thing – she seemed more upset that we wouldn’t be at the party because SHE wanted us there, not because of the kids and she asked me – what am I supposed to tell people as to why you guys aren’t there? EVERYONE is going to want to know why! I told her I didn’t think it was any of their business and to be honest, half of the people who come to them don’t even know us to think to ask. Anyone else we would care about – if she explained why, would understand and appreciate it. That girl just cares too darn much about appearances!

I told her how miserable the parties are for us – she really had no idea, how we just sit there in a chair for 4 hours, watching everything going on around us, never even getting one minute with the kids and she seemed shocked. But then, realized it was all 100% true. She did make a comment about how it would be nice for us to be there to help her – but that didn’t get very far with me either. We aren’t your slaves, lady and if you want to have this giant party, then deal with the fact it will be a lot of work for YOU. It isn’t our job to come over and be slaves for a day. Maybe if everything were presented a little differently, we would feel a part of it and want to pitch in and help with the party but everything about it is so selfish and a show for all of the guests, we just don’t care to be a part of it.

We also agreed that we would NEVER get together in the evenings anymore, especially on Fridays after work – we are tired, the kids are at their crankiest and it is bad time all the way around. From now on, we will only see them during the day, earlier in the day before their nap times and then head home so Brian and I can enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evenings in peace and quiet!

We also talked about how it won’t last forever – the kids will get older, they will eventually get more time to see us when the kids can entertain themselves better and not need so much attention and she is right. She brought up again, for the millionth time that her and her husband realize they need to really get on the stick and get a babysitter so they can go out and do more things but I am not holding my breath on that one – I have heard it too many times before and they have done nothing about it. I think we will be fine either way as long as we understand each other now – we both agreed that we are insanely different now with different interest and different ways we like to spend our time. As long as we keep respecting each others opinions and life styles and understand that because of them, for a while, we won’t be able to see and talk to each other as much, we might just make it past this big hump of babies and toddlers. If they have MORE kids though – that time is just going to be longer and longer.