The Edge

In yoga we always talk about finding your edge. That point that if you pushed any harder you would hurt yourself, but if you backed off any more you wouldn’t be putting in any effort.

I feel like I finally found my edge in life in general. I feel like just backing away from trying to teach yoga for a living has actually made me a better teacher. Somehow. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything different, I’ve just been having much more intense reactions from people, which is interesting.

And on the other side of things, I feel like its helped me really find the balance I needed in my life. God, I got sooooo lazy and just unmotivated to do anything when I decided to teach full time. I mean… everything just kinda lost its importance. Its not just marketing myself and finding new classes that turned me off, it was everything… doing house work, keeping my "spaces" clean and organized, keeping myself in tact. I was really just slipping away into this place of… well, I’m sorta at a lack of words to describe it. I was happy, yes…. teaching a lot of classes, but I just really felt like I lacked passion and purpose. And money and material stuff isn’t that important… until you don’t have any money and then all you can think about is how much money you can make doing such and such and how to pay the next bill.

So, I feel like I’m back! and I feel like I’m so healthy now… I’ve got better boundaries than ever before and I can say no to things without feeling any kind of guilt. I’m doing what I love and what I want to do, both in moderation.

I opened a bank account after my yoga class this morning. This way I deposit my checks and more easily transfer money into our joint account. I can go back to saving money for vacations, taxes, emergencies. It feels so good to be able to do that again. Mich is feeling much less stress because of my job too. And although we don’t see much of each other anymore because of her school schedule and now my longer commute, we seem happier and more bonded then ever before. We have more evenings together and I think just feeling more equal to eachother helps as well.

I’m just over a month away from being 39 years old and I feel like I’ve finally figured out how to have a happy life. It took me long enough, but I’m glad to be here. I take full credit for this life too… I worked hard and I created everything I have now. Sometimes I followed my heart, but I never forced anything and this is how happy is supposed to feel.