Melting

OMG 11 days since I’ve written. What is wrong with me?
 
I need to write. I feel like I’m falling off center and loosing myself. I actually had a thought this morning that sometimes I don’t even recognize “me” anymore. This coming weekend will be the first time in so long that I’ll be doing something that is “me”… something that will remind me of the old Amy.
 
My life basically consists of work anymore. Mich has been so enmeshed with school lately that we don’t really see each other anymore and we hardly talk because she’s either too busy or just has school on her mind. We did go out to a concert last Saturday and it was seriously just what we needed. We drove to eastern Jersey in the dark and so she couldn’t study and we actually had time to talk and be ourselves again. And the show was a lot of fun. I’m so glad we had that… but I feel like that was the last time I saw her. I got sick and have been going to bed before she’s even home.
 
And I’m leaving for my yoga retreat in a few hours. She’ll be home before I leave, but we’ll be apart this weekend and then next week it’ll just be back to the same thing… me working like crazy and her gone for school. There IS a light at the end of all of this. Luckily there is a break… We’ll be in Disney in exactly a month from now and omg how I can’t wait for that day!!!
 
In the meantime, work is all consuming. Did I say that I thought there probably would never be a job that would keep me busy enough? I think I did. And that was stupid. My job is weird… because when I work from home I feel like I am just sucked in from like 7 in the morning until 8 at night. I have to force myself to take breaks… And it’s not like I have so much to do that I can’t… it’s like this weird pressure I put on myself to be constantly available. To prove to my boss that I’m not slacking off. I wish the drive wasn’t so long, because I’d honestly rather go to the office every day!
 
And now they have given me more responsibilities. I was just supposed to be “helping” with the marketing in Florida. They gave me a very specific task that would involve tracking and organizing info throughout the month and then sending out a report at the end of every month. Somehow within the past few weeks, that has turned into me being THE marketing assistant for FL. The current MA has basically started telling people that I’ll be taking over the marketing for FL and the VP down there hasn’t corrected her… it’s like everyone just all of a sudden got it in their head that’s what I’m doing… and didn’t even run it by me. And this company has such a “team” mentality… I just feel like if I was to say anything it would come across like I’m not a “team player” and in turn, it would leave a bad mark on my reputation.
 
I was thinking things this morning… about what exactly it is about this situation that is bugging me. Because honestly, I was just saying last month that I wasn’t busy enough. That I need more work and that I can’t ever seem to find a job that gives me enough. I know one thing that bugs me is that I just don’t like doing Marketing. But I think the other thing is that I just feel like no one discussed this with me. So, I think I need to change my thought process or perspective or something. I need to think of this as a compliment… that they feel I’m competent enough to handle this. That they like me and after all it will be job security. I need to turn this bitterness that’s popped up in my heart in a different direction. Or else, I’m going to get attitude with the wrong person and end up getting my ass in trouble.
 
I’m glad I’m getting away for a few days to do something just for me. I need the time away… to unplug and get myself back in touch with things I love to do.