Coming To The End

This seems to happen a lot. I will write for consecutive days and then BAM! I haven’t wrote in freakin forever. So here I am tonight. At 11:30.

Going back to what seems like forever ago. Rory and I got back together. He’s in love with me. He didn’t necessarily say it..and we haven’t talked about it since but his exact words were…"I think I’m in love with you".  I am so scared. So so so scared. Not really because he said he loved me, but I’m scared to hurt him. There is no way that I feel the same. He’s the best boyfriend that I’ve ever had but I cannot bring myself to fall. It seems like I’m holding back each time.

Not only do I feel myself holding back, I KNOW why I am holding back and, Diary, so do you. It’s Eric. Help me help myself. Make this go away. The other day at Wal-Mart, I saw Eric for the first time since last summer. My heart skipped a beat…Again. Then he didn’t come over to talk to me..but he met me up front later and we talked for a little bit. He still had that same look in his eyes..when he used to look at me. It’s almost as if I can see that he still likes me, but just don’t get it. And now, he just told me that he is working at Able 2..yeah, that was my job last summer. Maybe he was hoping that I still worked there. Oh wait, his friend Racheal works there. I just remembered. I don’t know. He told me that tonight through Facebook. I’ve prayed…that is all I can do.

Graduation is this Sunday. Can you believe it? Thirteen years has already flown. Our last day of school was Friday and Baccaularate (misspelled) is tomorrow. Man, it freaks me out. I’m not going to the school I’ve always wanted to go to but now its a school that is closer to me. And it is also where B-Banks and Lace are going. I hope college is all that I wanted it to be. I want to find myself and want to find out what I am meant to do. Is it social work or dentistry? Feels like my time is running out. 

Today was the awards assembly and I got a crappy total of $1,900. It is better than nothing. I am thankful for it., don’t get me wrong. I just wish I had started filling out apps earlier than what I did.

Well, that is going to be all for now. I’m tired. Although we don’t have to be in class, we still have to go practice walking.