the sun will come out tomorrow

I hope…

Last night we watched Once Upon A Time In the West. I had my doubts, but, as usual, he was right. It was great. We laid in bed and talked a little while. I forgot to have him burn me a couple of CDs, especially “Fred’s Favorites.”

Today was hard. Casey was understandably frustrated, and when he gets like that, he’s an ass without realizing it. He got up at 6am to do his final for Music History, but the disk that he saved it on had an error. I felt bad, because I think it was the disk I gave him. Then the fire alarm went off not once, not twice, but three times while he was in the shower. I was in the ladies room the first time, and mentioned him to some lady in there, referring to him as “my boyfriend.” I didn’t even think about until I was telling him about it. I apologized. I don’t know.

Anyway, it was extremely hot and humid today, and I couldn’t really bring myself to eat much of anything. We were packing Casey’s things and putting them in his tiny car. Going through his stuff, he tried to give me items that belonged to both of us. I just looked at him and said, “I’m not gonna use them.” And he looked at me and said, “Well, I’m not gonna use them either.”  As he threw them in the trash bag, I couldn’t help but tear up. He was getting snappy with me and I was only trying to help him. I told him about it. He apologized. I don’t know.. So, as we were carrying his stuff to his car, I kept getting dizzy. I ended up passing out shortly. He came in, got me up, and we went over to the green room so I could get something in my stomach and sit in the air conditioning a bit. There was a bunch of crap about Drama Club reimbursement for the End of the Year party that we had to work out.

Luckily, Melissa was in the green room through most of the day, so I ended up spending a good deal of time making trips to JCFA and talking to her. That helped things tremendously.

I have to say that my heart sunk a little when Chris entered in a good mood, treating Melissa like she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Kind of difficult to watch with your recent ex in the room. We went dumpster diving shortly after to make sure none of the extremely wasteful college students didn’t throw out anything that we would want. Now we didn’t dig through anything, but, yeah.

Casey and I said good-bye a little awkwardly. We hugged a lot. Talked a little, and hugged again. I wasn’t sure if I should tell him, but, I figured I wanted him to know, and I didn’t know when I would get a good chance to tell him again….”I love you.” And he told me he loves me too. So, with tears in my eyes, I hurried to my car and headed to Amy and Mikey’s for a quick stop before my trip home.

Dinner with my folks at Ernie’s Pizza…too much talk…too many questions…I don’t want to talk about it yet, especially with them. Heather and Jared were in with their new baby, so, obviously I got the speech about how I would have one of those soon enough…I’ll get married and settle down and have a kid or two…they try to convince me. My response? Maybe….but probably not. It’s not my luck…and I’m not sure about either anyway.

One step forward, two steps back. That’s me.

Got stuck babysitting Lauren and Ben for a few when I really just wanted to stop by and see them, then go home and unpack my car. When I finally did, Dad helped, so that was okay. Doing laundry now…standing by the washer waiting for the freaking wrinse cycle. I have to wash clothes tonight for my interview tomorrow. Great.

Called Tom. Figured he’d be with Des or something. NO. He’s with Casey, Chris and Melissa at the McDonald’s diner most likely discussing the break up. My heart drops…much rather be there. I want to go home. But, I’m not really sure where that is. Trying to resist calling Casey, but I don’t know if that’ll happen.

Hoping the sun will come out tomorrow. And that it’s not too hot, and the cicadas aren’t too bad…they’re gross.