a walking dead person.

Only figuratively speaking, but good lord I’m so tired.

Two days ago my right ear suddenly started having this problem where I would hear this periodic crackling sound that would last for about ten seconds and go away for anywhere from two minutes to several hours.

At first I was freaked out when I realized it was in my ear because I thought something must have got in there and was crawling around! Ahhh! One of my worst nightmares ever!  But then, I thought, no that can’t be because I wear ear plugs to bed every single night. Nothing could get in there then, without me being awake and aware of it.

So I did some good old internet research. I’m generally against this because of all the horror stories I hear about people looking up some symptom and somehow coming to the conclusion that they’re going to die. I don’t like the idea of doing that. However, for the last two nights I have been doing this research at three and four in the morning because the incessant crackling sound tends to be worse at night and was keeping me up and causing me so much anxiety that I wanted to cry.

The closest thing I could find to what I was experiencing was called eustachian tube dysfunction. The eustachian tube is the tube behind the eardrum that connects the ear to the throat and is usually collapsed except when you pop your ears, yawn, etc..  When you pop your ears or yawn, it expands the tube and this is what helps create pressure balace in the ear. The dysfunction occurs when the tube is somehow force into an open state by unusually thick mucus (gross, I know) and the crackling sound is the mucus moving around inside the tube. At least, that’s my understanding.

 To my relief, most of the entries I read said that while the dysfunction can last for quite a while, it’s not premanent and can usually be treated by just leaving it alone (except it doesn’t help me when I’m trying to sleep), and the best thing to do for it, as a simple measure, is to pop your ears.

I hadn’t done this earlier because I wasn’t sure if it was an infection and I’ve always been really afraid of damaging my ears since I first developed basic ringing tinnitus in my ears several years ago.

But I’m a very light sleeper. The reason I wear ear plugs to bed is because, with the clacking noise that my overheard fan makes, and the fact that my roommates stay up really late at night playing music or watching tv, I can’t sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time without them. I can fall asleep for a little, but then I’m woken up by the noise and have to try to fall asleep again.

With this new crackling sound happening inside my ear, earplugs were useless and the sound was waking me up four or five times a night. I was desperate. It was driving me insane. So I popped my ears.

I haven’t had the crackling sound at all since then (2am this morning) so now I’m constantly blowing my nose and popping my ears. It seems to be working, but it has caused me so much anxiety already that I’m afraid it’s going to come back. There’s still a slight pressure in the ear, which is why I’m still worried. If that’s the case I’m all set for going to the doctor and getting a prescription for it. Thank heavens I’ve got my insurance card now.

It’s the stupidest thing in the world that sounds are my worst enemy when I’m trying to sleep. Everyone else in my house can very literally sleep through almost anything, yet the slightest sound can wake me up in the middle of the night and keep me awake if it’s persistent. I hate it.

On top of that, the nights are getting really warm now, so the heat is waking me up now too. I’ve never had a harder time trying to sleep than I did last night and I woke feeling like I was recovering from a hangover. I nearly called in sick, but I can’t because ComicCon is like…SOON…TEN DAYS…and I need my time off for that.

Uhg. So tired. Want to sleep so bad. Just want to curl up under my desk and pass out.

But anyway. In other news!

My other cousin who lives in San Diego, who is my age, but who I almost never talk to, became a dad over the weekend. His wife went into proper labor at something like four in the morning Saturday morning and they had a little boy that afternoon. I don’t really like babies but I often wonder if we are programmed to think the children we are related to are cute. I swear my family spawns the least ugly babies ever. Little Bronson was surprisingly non-alien. Still tiny, and weird, and breakable, but decidedly non-alien. Like both of my nephews and my niece.

They are having an asian styled baby shower in about a month as per the custom of his wife’s family. That should be interesting, but I must confess I’m super nervous. Frank’s friends cause me anxiety, mostly because I’m socially awkward and all his male friends are amazing, wonderful, gorgeous people. I totally shut down around men, it’s so, so stupid.

I just got a text from my aunt who said he’s having a little trouble with fluid in his lungs now. Urrg. But the new parents are taking it well I guess.

I can’t imagine being a new parent. The idea of kids in general is bad enough, but the idea of being a new parent terrifies me. I really feel for my cousin and his wife. Ana was really drugged up, coming off the epidural when I visted so she was really calm, but she called the nurse because she wasn’t sure what to do or how long to wait before feeding.

I’m sure I’d just have a complete mental breakdown.

Other than that there’s really nothing new to report. Only have to work four days this week. We get Wednesday off for July 4th. I love getting Wednesdays off. They always seem like the longest days in the week to me.

And then next week I only work THREE days because of Comic Con. Can’t wait!