relationships/over him/need you now

and yet more news.

well I. generally have news when posting here.

Yeah so apparently. Jacob – he’s my ex that I had a long distance on again off again thing w/ like. 3 yrs. ago. – is now dating. I think she’s the first girl he’s dated since me. Megan. they’re in the same place. all this is according to fb. I’ve surmised that she seems better for him then his ex before me Jennifer who wasn’t nice. from the myspace message she sent me 3 yrs. ago. yeah I don’t like Jennifer [and she’s not too crazy about me either still isn’t]. Jacob was my first breakup. He broke up w/ my via myspace and not even in a message. no publically. on myspace. via the status update thingy. yeah never do that.

So within the last year I emailed him and told him while I’m fine w/ him still having feelings for me I don’t still have feelings for him. I’m over him. and he said that was fine. I guess maybe for him that was the go ahead. to go ahead and date another girl I really don’t know. he’s sweet he’s funny but we really couldn’t connect. From fb it seems he and Megan are happy together. she’s cute and seems nice. not that I’d really, you know. know. I wished them a happy thanksgiving and told them as much.

Ok but here’s the issue. well actually there are 2. while I’m over Jacob I’m not over James my most recent ex. who, other than in this entry I’ve been referring to as my ex. [also I don’t use people’s names]. Ya know. Last year around Halloween we were at the bar’s Halloween party. I was Rose from ‘titanic’ a few people told me I looked beautiful. and that we were cute. it was a romantic Halloween. it was karaoke night. and then….Thanksgiving we were at his mom’s Nadine’s. and then we went back to my place and got high. it was nice. er from what I remember it was nice.

And from that point on things went downhill. he finally made it to my place the weekend before Valentine’s Day last year and that’s. when we broke up. yeah never do that either. we were together a yr. and 2 months during which, those 2 months, we weren’t really together. I mean I wasn’t like. single but I also didn’t see him so.

and then after that a lot of other crap transpired.

So. The fact that Jacob’s w/ Megan now has me thinking about my own breakup. I’m still not over James. and who says I have to be? yeah it would be better for me but it’s not like I’m obligated to be/get over him or anything. The last time James and I got at each other was 4 months the end of this one. hey and just like last year I still haven’t heard from him in 2 months! only this time it’s bc we’re broken up. we’re over. And I wonder if he even thinks of me. if he even cares. at all. I really don’t know. ….I wonder if I ever cross your mind. for me it happens all the time.

And the 2nd issue is. that. I feel like things have changed between Jacob and I. which, well, ok they have. no but like. I mean. I feel like if I were to get at him and talk to him about stuff I’d overstep and be the clingy girl and……..it wouldn’t be good. which I’ve not yet done.

yes I’m over him. but I’ve also been lonely as of late, so.