<<<< adventures again. Thurs. – today.

…….lies and videotapes.

actually not really. there weren’t sex and videotapes. [I’ve actually never made a sex tape. and I wouldn’t want to. well I’ve never had sex not consensual].

So then Thurs. night between 5 – 7 I was in the closet [hey everyone I was in the closet! and then I came out. actually I don’t think I’ve ever been ‘in the closet’, completely since I’m on both sides. and I’ve been out since I was like, 15. um] sleeping when I heard the door open. it was my sister and her coworker…….friend……..guy Ted. she’d brought him since she wasn’t sure if Evan was there or not. he wasn’t. [I couldn’t even find him when I went downtown the other week, so. Evan that is. I’ve not heard from him in more than a month]. [my family doesn’t like Evan].

So my sister told me our lawyer Laura [she also doesn’t like Evan] was coming over. And she was angry. bc I hadn’t told anyone but my friend Mark where I’d be. [again not like I was wandering the city]. but of course I’m not going to tell them if I think Kate’s going to tell Person A who’s going to tell Person B and so on. I’ll tell people where I’m going long as it doesn’t go anywhere between myself and that person. er I mean as long as we’re the only 2 who know about it.

oh and I was also drunk when they found me. but I wasn’t sick-drunk. nor had I swallowed Benadryl or anything else. [yeah they still don’t know about that and they’re not going to. that’ll only make it worse]. I told Laura I’d only had 2 ‘of the mini bottles’ [I didn’t say ‘shooters’ since I figured if I had then she’d really catch on to the fact I’m an alcoholic. um, no] [and not the 20. no I told her I’d collected those. well it’s legit. in SE Denver they are lying around. sure maybe you can’t find 20/day but they’re there. I lived there for 4 yrs. I know these things]. [I’m small. small people get drunk easier. so therefore it makes sense that I’d be as drunk as I was when they found me esp. if I haven’t had booze in awhile. which. they don’t know. I mean they – well, my mom and my sister – know I drink but they don’t know for certain I’m an alcoholic. they haven’t blatantly asked me]. [and actually the last time I had a drink was almost 3 months ago, so].

oh. yeah. I’d also been smoking [cigs. well part of one. I didn’t, you know, have a whole pack at my place. or even 4. which probably helped a lot, actually. if I’d had more, smoked or not……..well, again. it would’ve been worse]. [I’d always been curious to see what smoking’s like. it tastes kindof like weed. I thought I’d end up sputtering like mad which I didn’t]. –

um so I chalked the smoking/drinking to my having a lot going on. which they understood. doesn’t make it right. Laura’s like "ok so I don’t know all of your health issues" – yeah and thank god you don’t. even my dr thinks I’m healthy – "but I don’t think you should be drinking". well, thank you capt. obvious. yes I already know that. hell I shouldn’t’ve started drinking 2 yrs. ago! and from that point on turned into an alcoholic! no, really now? no of course I shouldn’t be drinking. it’s like when you say to your friend "I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke" well is anyone supposed to smoke? well no. [and in my opinion it depends on the substance]. god it’s not like I was doing crack. [actually I would never do crack bc my sister was a cokehead back in high school, so].

yeah I was depleted had been for awhile ………obviously I shouldn’t be drinking. esp. if I am depleted! as we all know pointing out the obvious is v. helpful. really.

and then when I’m eating chips and guac right in front of Laura she goes "that’s not v. nutritious but eat" since it was apparent I hadn’t. um. I was, eating. [cmon it’s not like I was eating cake. and actually guacamole is good for you. clearly a person needs more than that/day]. so the drinking/eating thing isn’t the worst thing – the fact she brought it up – but it certainly didn’t help. [well, no].

–

Ok so then she decides that I’m going to stay w/ someone else since she can’t trust Monte. or me either, apparently. no and Laura shouldn’t trust me. yeah I get it.

So I’ve been staying w/ someone else since Thurs. night. and I can’t go anywhere by myself. again I get why. Laura’s like "I don’t care if you’re happy…."  – no, obviously not. you’ve made that quite clear – "I care if you’re safe".

actually other than my not being able to go anywhere by myself, since I moved it hasn’t been that bad. I phone/email my mentor Jessica every day let her know what I’ve done/haven’t done/gone/haven’t gone during the day and who with. that was the agreement between Laura and I. I could not possibly be, any more compliant.

Like, ok. Laura’s not a bad person I’m just not exactly the biggest fan of her right now. well not that I was when we first met but I was moreso then, than I am now.