Tired – Disappointments

Friday, October 5th, 2018 – windy

Today I felt extra tired. I woke up at 6:10am ish, i was feeling depressed like every morning. I went through my email list like every morning to clear out or to check if there is any work emails, then searched up medication that can assist me in dying and found out there are a few medications that I could take in order to help me lay there in peace. I am so sick of fighting and all the dramas in the house – between my parents, and my brother. I just want to be in a place where i do not notice anything that’s happening in the family… I just want to go back to the teenage Polly where I was a lot happier. But everything has changed and I began to realize the selfishness and the dark side of every family member, including myself. I have learned that in order to not be hurt( emotionally and mentally), I’ve got to protect myself, because no one would – they would only take advantage of you, or if I did not do whatever they wanted me to do, they would find ways to get it to their advantage somehow.

This past 2 weeks or so, I have been emotionally drained, might be the reason being that emotionally and mentally am refusing to accept the reality of humanity in my family. I just want to die in peace alone.