Benjamin

Well, if you read my last entry about Travis then you’ll see this name was in there.

I met Benjamin (BJ) threw Travis. They were friends in school. And him and his brother Scotty came over alot. So, i got to know them. When we moved to Amelia BJ moved with me and Travis. Well, going threw a rough time with Travis. BJ was always there for me. We talked alot and he told me that i could do alot better and that i was agreat person and he could stand seeing the way Travis was treating me. True,I always had a thing for BJ, but i wasnt going to act on it when i was with Travis. So, after i moved out of out place. Travis moved out too. Well, all of or names were on the lease. So, i felt that i should stay there. Plus BJ’s mom was the Gareenter. So, BJ and i lived there together. Well, eventually we got together. I got very close with his family. I was already good friends with his brother and now pretty much the whole family. Me and his mom got along great. We were always able to talk about anything. We went from job to job trying to pay our bills, with out Travis there. So, we eventually moved to Richmond to live with him cousin Christmas night. So, we payed rent to live there. BJ went from job to job again. I got a job and stuck with it. BJ didnt work for awhile, so again i started paying all the bills. Eventually i couldnt do it anymore.

All threw this “I thought” me and BJ were in love. He got me a ring, but i made him take it back because we didnt need another bill. He asked me to marry him and we were going to get married in February, but i wanted to wait till we had our own place and something to call our own. I was introduced to his family as his Fience’e. And i we both always wore a ring.

Then there was the situation of his ex-girlfriend. His father’s live in babysitter. So, everytime he went over there. She was there. It was always in the back of my mind. But, he told me he loved me and to trust him and there was nothing to worry about. So, i did just that.

Well, on March 1st my birthday i took a paternity test. The test came up positive and i was nervis. BJ was working with his father so i called him and told him we had to talk when he came home. When he came home we sat down and talked. He was so excited, he picked out all these names and just seemed liked he loved the idea of having a child with me and our future starting. We both didnt agree on abortion. So, we were deffinatly having this baby. Now was the hard part, telling our familys. I was so scared in telling my family. I knew they would be dissapointed in us for not waiting. The first person i called was my sister. She wasnt that upset, we are really close, So she and i arranged to go to a real doctor and get a test done. So we went and yep i was pregnant. So, i arranged to go to my parents that weekend and tell them. I didnt want to drag things on. Well, i went and we had a great night. We went out to eat and came home and watched a movie and just talked. Finally, i broke down and told them. It was hard, but i knew that they were going to be dissapointed. And they were. But, they were alot more understanding then i thought. Well, i felt releaved telling them. So, it was BJ’s turn to tell his family. Well, that went really bad. His dad wanted me to get an abortion and said BJ had no sort of responsibility. It was a big scean. Well, it was hard and we went threw alot. But, we still stood by each other. So, we decided that the best thing for BJ to do was try to go in to the Military like he wanted to. So, he signed up and went and took the tests. He failed the test the first time and he go treally upset about it. But, we studied together and talked about a bunch of things. Well, he went to his dads and talked to him about what to do. I went to my parents and talked to them. When BJ came back from his dad’s he informed me that he had feelings for his ex. I flipped out and went crazy. BJ told me is was nothing to worry about, he just saw her all the time at his dads and it bothered him. Well, i thought that was taken care of. Well, i thought wrong. BJ got kicked out of his cousins house for not paying his rent. And i wasnt staying there with out him. So, my parents were very kind to let me move back home. BJ went to live at his mom’s for a while till he could get in to the military. Well, i stayed at my sisters for a week and I didnt talk to BJ for 4 days. So, I knew something was wrong. So, i called. I finally got in touch with him at 1:00 in the morning and i could tell in his voice something was wrong. So, i asked him and he said nothing. I told him i knew him better then that. So, finally he told me. He couldn’t handel a relationship, getting in to the military and taking care of a child. So, i told him to do what ever he had to. I would always love him and he said he loved me and just wanted the best for our future.

So, i dealt with the emptiness in my heart. But, i just wanted the best for all of us. To be one big happy family. So, i moved back with my parents and he took his tests to go in to the Marines. He called to tell me he passed and he was going in, in May. He also informed me that he was back with is ex and he already asked her to marry him and they were sleeping with each other. I was heart broken. I mean this is the man that asked me to marry him in February and i was carrying his child. I was so hurt. How could this be.. we were in love just one month ago. We were together 9 months. I loved him with all my heart, i wanted to marry him and be by his side for the rest of his life.

Well, its now June. Im 5 months pregnant and planing on raising this baby my self. BJ is in North Carolina in Marine Boot camp. He’s family hasnt called me and the last thing he called and told me was that he was leaving and he know wanted a paternity test. Oh, i was pissed. Lets just say i wasnt a happy camper. I just know im going to be a great mom no matter what..