Self-Preservation Mode

If you’d like to read about he Dru Sjodin case this is the link to the articles in the local newspaper

Oh ugh! It is the beginning of the new quarter! I hate all the paperwork that goes along with that and I have been so unenthused that I have done very little paperwork in advance. I wish that I could say that I have it all done and I am ready to roll. At least I scheduled myself to open so that I dont have to be on site all day getting things ready then working an additional eight-hour shift. I was thinking this time!

This afternoon I had some retail therapy. I thought that it would help me to focus if I did something nice for Dick. If I want to do something nice for him then I must like him a little bit. I love him dearly but I have not been liking him much at all of late.

He has been drinking so much! He tries to hide it from me but I am smarter than he gives me credit for. I can smell it instantly when I walk in the bedroom. Usually I have to go into the bedroom before I can smell it. I knew that he was out tonight when I walked in the door coming from outside. He reeks!

I say nothing to him about it. He is a big boy and if he wants to drink he is going to drink. If he wants to be sober he will be sober. The choice will be his. If I ignore it I am healthier. I can not be mad all the time! So have at it baby. The nosebleeds have started again and he is getting them more often. When he was sober for those two years (plus) I do not recall him having one nosebleed. I can not worry myself silly over that either because I know it is from all the drinking.

I will live out my sentence ~ until the kids are grown! Unless of course he gets another DUI in addition to the two that he has already gotten within six months about three years ago. He better not even think about calling me from jail because I will let him sit. The last time that I picked him up I had to get his bail from an ATM. Where else was I going to get $300 at 3 AM. The $300 was in all ten-dollar bills! I will not pay, I will not pick him up, and I will not hang around. It is only a matter of time.

I do worry about his drinking but it does no good to talk to him about it and it certainly does no good to be a ranting lunatic. He will make his choices.

I guess we are even because I dont think that he likes me so much either. I dont think that he even loves me. I think that I am in total self-preservation mode!