My Fault
I am so pissed off! And if Dick were here right now he would be hearing a few words! I was so mad last night that I couldnt even talk about it.
I called home early last night to let Dick know that Debbie and I were probably going for breakfast. I was going to ask her because we both had the closing shift. I left a message with Alexa.
When I called home he was not home. He had to take some clothes to town for Nadine who was spending the night with a friend. Rather than going to town he went to his friends place in the other direction. But when I talked to him he said that he was on his way to town. According to Alexa he had left two hours before. But I told him Debbie and I are probably going for breakfast after work. He asked whom? I said Debbie, the barmaid. He replied oh thats his name.
He needs to fuck off right now!
I may want to be seeing someone else but I have done nothing out of line. I have refrained from doing that!
At closing time Debbie said do you want to go for breakfast? You should have seen the look of shock on her face when I said no. Then I had to explain it to her. I thought that I was quiet about it but another person heard it.
I got a what for and a how come! Boy did I ever hear it! And he said pretty much the same thing that SunshineGuy said the other night when I got to chat with him. Although this guy doesnt know about the big picture he does have grown children. I was thinking that SunshineGuy was wrong and had no clue what he was talking about but how can two people that dont even know each other say the same things to me about the whole situation. How can two people be wrong? I guess that I am the one that is wrong. I am the enabler, I am the one that is putting my children in danger when Dick drinks. I am the one that is neglecting these kids when Dick does not come home and I am at work. these children are my responsibility alone. I had these children by myself. My fault ~ I am the shitty parent.
It is okay if Dick does whatever the hell he wants to do but I want to go have breakfast with a lady friend and he accuses me of being with a guy! It is okay for him to go to the bar when ever he damn well pleases come home when he damn well pleases. Come and go as he damn well pleases! But going to breakfast after work is a threat to him.
He should be threatened! I have had it!
After he dropped the clothes off to Nadine he went somewhere. I have no clue where he was (and I dont give a shit either) but he was on his way to the small town to the bar because the cops were so thick in GF. (Okay so he used his brain there a little bit ~ yet at that time he should not have been driving to begin with.) So he was out again! I have not said a word to him about his drinking for so long. I have not asked him if he is seeing someone else because I just dont care.
I usually do nothing! I am either at work or at home! A couple weeks ago I decided to go play bingo on my night off. And I have played a few times since then. It is the only form of entertainment that I am interested in. I dont drink when I go because I have to drive home. But since I started going to play bingo now and then I am seeing someone? I dont get it.
And I am going to play bingo tonight! I wont go until the 9:30 session because I will have time to feed the kids and they will be getting ready for bed by the time I am going to leave. I like playing the 5:30-6:30 session but I dont like the three hours between games. That can get costly!
Tried to talk to Dick about the way things have been. As usual I could just as well be talking to the wall. I vowed that I would handle this and not get emotional but as usual I ended up standing there sobbing my heart out. Did he do anything to comfort me or assure me that everything would be all right? Hell no! My last statement to him: I have put all the effort that I am going to put into this relationship. If it is over, its over and I dont care!
Now what?