unofficially official

so Herman is mad at me for something I said. I was just trying to tell him about this perverted guy who keeps bothering me on Myspace, and he got all weird and said he didnt want to hear about it. And I simply said "not everything is about u" (and for some reason that just pissed him off). But I’m saying i kinda get where he is coming from with not wanting to hear about other guys, but I listen to him talk about how chicks flirt with him and so forth. I tolerate it cause I know it doesnt mean shit but damn its hard being unofficially official

I’m not gonna lie I was kinda in a mood when we had our lil fallin’ out. I don’t even know why. I was kinda trying to get under his skin just cause he frustrates me so much. one minute he is all into me and saying how much he likes me and we are working towards being togther and in the same breath he is reminding me why he doesnt have a girlfriend, and why he doesnt have faith in love and how it is hard for him to trust people…even me. I’m being patient cause really there is no rush, and I know he has been through a lot in the past, and for some reason it is harder for men to get over stuff. and lately I feel like he is riding the fence and I’m not sure if he wants the same things I do. But then with the blink of an eye we are on the same page again. I’m officially annoyed at how unofficial we are.

I don’t think he is talking to me right now. He didnt call me lastnight, and when I called him he didnt answer. hmmm, not like him at all, we talk every night so I know there is a problem. he has issues with pushing people away and I think that is what he is doing…i mean i could be wrong tho. he could have simply had a headache and fell asleep last night. i tend to jump to conclusions when it comes to him cause like i mentioned before his feelings are fragile and i have to take that in account. I’m not gonna play games with him though. I’m done with all of that B.S. Every man that I have ever cared about I have had to fight for him. I was always doing the chasing. I guess I am attracted to emotionally unavaliable men because deep down inside I dont feel like I deserve anything. I mean in the front of my mind I know I deserve things, but I dont feel it. So i figure if i go after these men that are clearly running from me and I catch him then i won. that i really deserve him cause I worked hard for it and was able to obtain it. i know i know, im officially weird. buuuut its unofficial just how weird i am.

so yeah. who knows what I’m doing. if he is gonna be my boyfriend we need to get over this unofficial bullshit, and he needs to get his shit together…and that my friends is official!