I dont get the cake

Well August 8 was a pretty sucky ass day. I had to work…blah, and ppl were screwing up right and left.

But then the night was turning out to be okay and then I just had to fuck it up. Me and the guy bestfriend had a long talk lastnight and I finally told him for the last time that I was in love with him. I asked him why he never wanted to be with me…yada yada yada. And to keep it short he basically said that he has too much baggage from the past.

so I asked him what the baggage was..

and he didnt know.

so I called him on his crap and said ur my bestfriend be honest with me. You have to know the baggage and if you dont the problem is me.

he said trust him that it wasnt me that I’m this great beautiful person ect. ect. ect.

but i dont believe him. i need a real reason as to why he doesnt want to be with me

but all he can say is that he doesnt know but he knows he doesnt want to hurt me and make me sad.

CRAP!

I know this kid better than anyone. And I know there is something he is not telling me. And I do believe he doesnt want to hurt me but he is doing it anyway. I said i could never look at him again.

he said he’s hate that. we could make it work.

i said no, ive been too open. ud know why i do the things i do and say the things i say.

he said hes been open too. but open to guys means something different then what our definition of open is.

So i told him to fucking grow up and figure out the real reason he cant be with me and let me know so I can move on. And until then IM DONE!

He replied this has been a horrible night and im sorry,

but I shocked myself and said "I hope 1day you will be truly happy and I mean that will all that I am. But forget you know me. OK!

and that was THE END. and of course I cried. Cause I am losing my bestfriend. And thats hard to do. But I have to try to seperate him into two ppl. A friend. And the man I love. but either way I slice it I dont get the cake.

I’m truly heartbroken. Words can’t even be expressed right.

now.