Day 4

Today was a hard day. I kept wanting to text him. Just to say hey, just for something to spark inside of me and feel alive again. But then I remembered it has only been 4 days and thats way too soon to break down and give in. And so I was Ms. Pissy today and even ruined my roommates birthday dinner. We at least P. was there to keep her company. Its just that he was talking about doing some girl wrong and not giving her a reason why and I kept thinking wow. im. that. girl. It was just hurtful and interesting to see things from the guys point of view. And he isnt a bad guy. not in the least. However if he doesnt speak up that girl may never know why things didnt work out between the 2 of them. its not fair for her and I totally get that. And so it made me feel crappy. And I came home to cry and do this. stare at the screen wishing somethig would happen. i’d get a sign to let me know what to do next. but all i ca do it ride this into day 5 and I hope I can continue to day 26, and day 78 and day 435 and day huh-what-was-the-name-of-the-guy-i-was-in-love-with-again?

Time will tell. cause time keeps on slipping into the future.