bitch ass niggas

i dont know why i even thought Chris was different. oh sure he said all the right things in the beginning. promised me the world. cooked for me. took me out. but that nigga was an asshole. he was mentally abusive and it really brought my self eestem down. waaaaay down. he made me feel so bad about myself, but kept me holding on with his underlining sweetness. i mean i thought he was kool. i enjoyed talking to him and hanging with him. even caught feelings halfway through. i hadent planned on being with him anytime soon but it wasnt completely out of the picture.

he would tell me how he thought i was sexy and he liked my personality. he go on and on about me, but all in the same breath he’d say things like "u are a negative person, and u have a cold heart." daaaamn thats fucked up right? he always wanted to changed me. to make me a girly girl who told him how i felt 24/7. someone who would hold his hand and be all up on him. ummm HellZ nAh. that aint even my style. he always made me feel like i was back in highschool.

long story short, in highschool i was a bitch (well i still am) but back then i was evil. no one liked me but my peeps (and that was kool with me). ppl thought i was stuck up, but what they failed to realize was that i was and still am a shy person. so ppl were intimidated by me. no one took the time to get to know the "real" me.

present day: ok so yeah im not a girly girl. but for real for real i am a sweetheart, and a good person. i have a warm heart and if u my ppls id do damn near anything for u. i have a great personality and anyone would be lucky to have me. so FUCK U CHRIS and ur wack ass game. i cant believe he played me like that. when do guys grow up? why they all gotta act the same?

really i think he’s mad cause he couldnt control me like those chickheads he be dealin with. he was mad i had the upperhand. oh yeah and he was mad cause i aint let him hit it. the last straw was a convo we had the other day. when things got heated he told me to shut the fuck up, and hung up one me. i was so fucking pissed when he didnt call back and apologize. so i sent him an IM yesterday and was like we aint kool no more, cause u are rude. and he said "oh, ok", and that was the end of that. so we aint friends anymore. i deleted him from my phone and my buddylist. dont care if i see his tall skinny ass again. so why am i so upset??? i cant figure it out.

i guess im just tired of dealing with bullshit. and bullshit guys. maybe im just overly emotional and sensetive right now. but it seems like i never get a fucking break. like happiness isnt in the cards for me. i feel like complete shit. i dont do shit to nobody. but im always the one getting the knive in my back, door slammed in my face, cheated on, lied on, yelled at and so forth. im glad ppl think its ok to treat me the way they do. i guess it goes to show that they dont really know me. cause i am a great person. and i dont like a lot of guys. never have been that way. never been boy crazy. oh sure i like to look but id rather keep my hands lips and other body parts to myself, until i know that i really really like u, or love u for that matter. so when i do finally let a guy in and he treats me like shit, i feel naked and cheated. im not in the mood for men, dont care how sexy u are, or how sweet u pretend to be. ur all the same. and i havent the time for it. maybe tommorow i’ll feel differently. but for right now im just sad, just very very sad. why am i so upset??? i cant figure it out