5/29/06

so Mr. Herman has expressed some strong feelings to me. its funny to me cause I havent seen him in years. and i do mean years. but when i look back I could have totally seen us together. but of course I was all about Kahwann then. and then after that i was all about HIM. now when i have the opprotunity to see if this can grow into something. there are thousands of miles between us.

for some reason he is convinced that when i move to NY he wont have a chance with me. oh why? because there are a million sexy men in NY??? hahahaha well ur probably right but that doesnt mean any of them are about shit. it kinda scares me cause while my feelings for him are just on a crush level i can actually see myself with him and that hasent happend b4 since i met HIM. i dont know. life is weird. ur just born into it and are expected to live it. how? well the rules are a bit foggy. the future is a secret and u dont know whats happening until its actually happening. annoying but exciting. all i know is i can talk to him openly. its a bit sporatic but what can i expect?? maybe thats the problem. maybe i expect too much. but i give 100% why shouldnt i get 100% back? maybe ppl can only give u what they give u. so does that mean i accept that in turn accepting the person, or do i find a 100 percenter?? who knows. who the hell knows. cause i dont.

oh well. wait i just went blank. 4got what i was about to say. fuck it. im out