Everything seems to be dark

The silence is killing me. It seems there’s no one left. Again it’s the plain old alone in the crowd theme. Questions pour into my mind. The kinds I wonder most. It seems no one can answer. No one wants to. Why is it so unclear sometimes? Another one of the hot and sunny days passed and I’m still sitting here wasting my time looking at the monitor’s screen. I didn’t have the strength to even read some pages of a book or do something useful for me or for someone else. These things usually make me feel better. I don’t have the desire to do things no more. Now it’s 12:31 AM and I like to go out for a while to look for the feeling of freedom again. I wish I had a friend to share my thought with. Things I don’t understand seem to lead me to the feeling of self stupidity. It seems really hard. Everybody seems to lie to me. I think that people who feel better then me are just self delusive. Trying to view things from other people’s point of view only seem to lead to the conclusion that I’m right about the way the things are. People are disgusting. I’m disgusting. Love is a romantic feeling. "Love is blind." I say  – "love blinds". Why?! Have you ever had a disappointment from a friend or a person who you’ve really loved in your life? You give them love and offer them everything you have and when they have their bellies full they give you shit. I’ve been both ways but mostly the giving type of person. Love is something that goes away. The pain passes. Another one comes. People are delusional. People are crazy. A ray of hope came to me. I remembered that I wrote a person a letter yesterday, an old friend. Is he just another sparc in the dark or seeming forever shining star? I no longer feel so alone.