all are lies

i feel down, hurt and destroyed. i really like to cry and ease the pain but i can’t. anger, fear, doubt, sadeness, pain. i wish to just die and leave my thoughts. it’s not the way i chose. i failed myself. there’s no hope left. i failed! thunders strike inside of me. i deserve every little bit of it and even more! please leave me, let me suffer God! i failed! forgive me for being so stupid and naive! forgive me and leave me in darkness! i don’t want eternal life! i don’t want happiness! truly i don’t! i don’t want to know anything! desert is around me. a blank dark field. beauty and joy are gone. gone with the sun. everlasting night without the starsand the moon. blindness, death!