Spring Break

Quote: "And I’ll savor every moment of this…" -The Used

I’m still standing by decision to break up with Kristina. I’m good without her. I’ve made a clean break. No longer facebook friends, deleted her phone number, deleted all texts, took down all of the pictures. The kind of stuff I never had to heart to do when it ended all the other times. The last 3 weeks of our relationship were exhausting, pushing so hard for someone who could barely be bothered to acknowledge me. Constantly trying to get inside someone’s head who refuses to open up is much more lonely than simply being alone. Plus I can sleep knowing I did the right thing, we couldn’t be saved. We weren’t worth saving. I learned alot and I really hope she takes a piece of me with her because I know she’s left a real imprint on me.

I’m waiting to be contacted by Montclair. It took a full month but they have finally recieved all of my documents. The check for admission, my essay and finally my transcripts which I had to hand deliver. I walked the campus that day trying to picture myself there. It was odd, knowing there was every chance this place could be an eventual home to me. Once they’ve given the paper work the once over they will schedule my interview. Judge me by my persona and within a few weeks admit or deny me. It’s a little terrifying. I’ve yet to apply to a backup school, something I should do, actually something I probably should have already done. This is always my problem, I can only apply myself so much. I want Montclair and I cannot by any means attend another semester at county college. I just don’t have it in me.

I went bowling Monday night. Returned home at a reasonable hour, even though I’m on spring break. I was settling into my bed preparing to catch up on my dvr when my phone began buzzing. It was a blast from the past. My ex girlfriend Danielle’s best friend was on the phone, asking if I’d hang out with them, even if it was pushing midnight. I went because I had nothing better to do and knew that if I walked out the door I’d be guarenteed a story. I should probably explain Danielle’s best friend. Her name is Helena. She’s a blonde with a tongue ring who always seems to be holding a beer and has the body of a Playboy bunny. I was completely intimidated the first time I met her. She was reckless and wild. As was Rahul, her boyfriend at the time. Danielle wasn’t much of a partier but she was used to them. I was constantly trying to play it cool seeing as how I was a year older than all three and never wanted to admit to being shocked by any of their shennanigans.

It was "Ex Boyfriend Night", they’d informed. Rahul was on spring break so he and Helena had resumed having sex knowing that when the week ends so will their "relationship". Helena had already killed half a jack and coke, Rahul had been drinking casually. Danielle was quick to tell me she was sorry to hear about my recent break up. "I know you wanted her for such a long time," She stated, making me cringe. If I’d ever wondered if Danielle had realized Kristina played into our breakup that pretty much settled it.

You could imagine my surprise to later end up at a bar a few towns over where I was actually served alcohol even though I’m a little over a year short of being 21. I played it cool though, an act I’d mastered long ago with these guys. Walking around with a girl like Helena is always an experience, being in a bar with her is no different. She demands attention and most males are quick to give it.

"Do you want to make out with me?" Helena asked when we found ourselves alone in a Quick Check parking lot.
 I told her I wasn’t sure it was a good idea only to have her confess to having always been "strangely attracted" to me. "I noticed,"  I repleid honestly. She was surprised but less so when I reminded her of the numerous times she had flirted with me while I dated her best friend. "So…are we gonna make out or what?"

Then she was on me. She’d put out her cigarette and grabbed the back of my head, kissing me like a porn star. I pulled away after a minute. "Brian," She whispered, grabbing me by the collar. "Get the fuck back over here."

It was wrong. I could have stopped it, I nearly did. It was my own personal "fuck you" to Kristina who would never ever hear about it. I felt dirty upon realizing that even making out with Danielle’s best friend managed to be about Kristina. It won’t happen again for many reasons. I’d never get back with Danielle and I sure as hell would never date Helena. Rahul will leave for school at the end of the week and that night will serve as a reminder of the good times we used to have.

St. Patrick’s Day was decidedly more tame. I played beer bong and flip cup with my best friends. As strange as it sounds the thing I appreciated most was the banter. The way we bounce off eachother with comebacks, the knowing looks, and the inside jokes that go hand in hand with a rich history. Blasting The Used, taking shots and pictures, constant laughter. Nights like that are what has gotten me through this break up. What keeps my mind off of waiting for Montclair to call. Let’s me know that relationship or not I am never really alone. We celebrate the good, joke about the bad and keep going.

Crashing on the couch at the end of the night, surrounded by good people who had a little too much to drink, there really is no better way to spend spring break.